Written on Mother's Day 2011:
Mother's Day isn't always joyous.
It isn't always restful.
It isn't always a good day.
Sometimes it is.
But other times ....
My first Mother's Day I held my 4 week old baby in my arms.
My 2nd Mother's Day I held my 13 month old daughter in my arms, and I had just found out I was expecting Joshua.
My 3rd Mother's Day I held my 25 month old daughter in my arms and tried not to sob hysterically because my son was in Heaven.
My 4th Mother's Day I held my 4 week old daughter in my arms and rejoiced that she was ok. My 3 year old bounced around and had to be chased. And I still missed my should-have-been 1-year-old son.
My 5th Mother's Day I frantically chased my 1 year old and my 4 year old. And I missed my 2-year-old son.
My 6th Mother's Day I cuddled grumpy children in church (2 years and 5 years) and thought of three little boys that weren't there with me.
Today in church I was reminded how devastating Mother's Day can be.
This morning I was reminded that I had no baby in my arms (because I was due in March with my the baby I lost in August '10).
This morning I was reminded that I had no baby in my belly (because I was due June 12th).
I am so grateful for the girls I have with me.
But being the mother of 2 is just not the same when you feel you should be chasing 5 kids.
It will never be the same. There will always be a hole.