It's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. Had I still been pregnant, we might already know if we had a boy or a girl --- putting me right around the 21 week mark.
I'm very aware of the fact that I am not pregnant. I'm reminded of it every morning when I get dressed because I had grown out of my clothes, but not into my maternity clothes yet. So I was in that frustrating limbo period. And I'm still stuck there because I don't have any of that delightful post-partum water-weight shed going on.
I'm also aware of it, (let's be polite about this) because the system has resumed normal activities this week. Thanks a lot to my body, who thinks that 2 1/2 weeks off of bleeding was enough.
The other reason I'm aware of it....
This wasn't my first miscarriage. In fact, it wasn't even the first one for 2010. I lost a baby in August, a missed miscarriage (same MO, just earlier) at nearly 8 weeks. It may/may not have been a chemical pregnancy. So hard to tell when it's a measuring 5 weeks, should be 8 weeks thing.
And you know what? I'm ticked off. I have every right to be too. Don't give me any crap about a better place, or angels watching me, or maybe they were sick. Whatever. 3 of my 5 children are dead. That sucks. Pardon my candor, my pissy'ness, and my anger.
But if you'd lost 3 children in less than 3 years you'd be pissed off too. Maybe you have had that happen to you. I'm with you girl, I'm with you.
Yes, there's hope. Yes, it's going to be ok. But for right now, I'm pissed off. And I'm going to be like that until I'm not pissed off anymore.