Wednesday, February 2, 2011

How My Life Has Changed

The other day I posted on my Facebook status:

Post something funny that has changed since you had kids:

Well, wouldn't you know --- the hilarity began!

So here's a selection of the comments that have left me in stitches!

I "lock" the pantry with elastic so that little fingers don't find the peanut butter jar and lick it dry. --- Susie S

I say things I never thought I would ever have to say. "Don't put your penis on the blocks"; "who drew on the dog"; "Why did you put duplos in the koolaid" .... --- Rose S

I sing kiddie songs ALL the time, even when there are no kids around! --- Kristin W

I sit on the toilet longer than I really need to in order to have a couple minutes alone :) --- Joy B

Everything! I used to have a wallet with money I could spend in it. --- Bob W (A dad comment! Love it!)

Quiet candle dinners...actually just quiet dinners in general!! Someone is always complaining about something on their plate!!! --- Cassidy B

LOL Joy! I do just the opposite! I go to the bathroom at record speed now, the girls at work made fun of me the other day, they couldn't believe I peed, zipped, and washed in under 2 mins. I told them wait til they have kids, there's no time for leisurely potty-ing! --- Amy M

For some reason I'm not outrageously grossed out when I'm covered in pee, poop, and baby vomit- perhaps all at the same time. I think it was to prepare me for the marvel that is toddler poop. wow. --- Carolyn T

‎@Carolyn, I find it amazing that at first the poo is so gross in color/texture but doesn't smell, then it smells a little, kinda gross color, texture etc, and then one day toddler poo shows up and makes you want to vomit your lunch. I had to take over a diaper change the other day because Matt was dry wretching from the stench. *eesh kiddo, what did we feed you!?!?!* --- Susie S

I think the funniest moments are when you catch yourself saying something that to anyone not seeing the situation would think you're totally bonkers. For example, "Why is there a fire truck in the toilet?!?" --- Debz S

Or the ones no one wants to know about, "OH! What? Why? No! We don't do that! Ew! Wash your hands! Right now! No, more soap! Gross!" :) *Today when Naomi dunked her hands in the dirty toilet that had been used by one of the 5yo girls in the next room. --- Susie S

having to stop mid shower every single day to explain that no I will not be getting out to prepare a snack, mediate a dispute or change the channel on the TV. I have never once done any of these things mid shower, but still they ask me. Persistance is a virtue right?! --- Tracee J

Oh, here's a good one: Today I was changing my underwear and my 2 year old said "Don't leave!" Is my life that bad, that I only change my underwear when I'm going somewhere? LOL --- Rose S

Ben, Get the sword out of your nose! --- Debz S

I was talking to myself in the grocery store since I didn't have the girls, but I was still using the cute kids talk while asking myself if I really wanted peanut butter. Yikes....I literally stopped and thought to myself that I'm going bonkers. --- Crystal J

OK, I remember a funny one when Dawn, my oldest (28 - I think:) was just an infant. I was standing at the cash register ready to pay my bill and Dawn was in a dead sleep in my arms. While the cashier had her head down, Dawn lifted her head briefly and let out this huge adult-size burp and put her head back down sound asleep. The cashier couldn't help but look up at me, and I swore to her that it was my baby and not me. I don't think she believed me! --- Elizabeth H

Complete comfort in discussing what used to be taboo conversation... poop, pee, vomit- really any bodily fluid and all details associated with :) --- Jennie G

The house is quiet. Why? You better find out PDQ! --- Joe W (Another Dad comment!)

What hasn't changed????? wondering what day you last took a shower, or shaved your legs...... and trying to find entertaining activities for baby while you take a shower at record speeds that a pit crew couldnt even keep up with. --- Sarah F

Never go to the bathroom alone. Eliana understands that our dog goes poop/pee outside. The other day she says,"momma outside pee pee?" LOL --- Hannah G

The once cherished quiet now strikes fear into your heart as you wonder, "where are they and what are they up to?" --- Debz S (with 6 thumbs up!)

I'm sure the guys at work appreciate my "Mommy words" like potty and asking them "What do you say?" .... one that I noticed is that people think I actually watch kids shows for the entertainment when in reality I'm watching to make sure there is no inappropriate content! lol
Too many things have changed for me to list it all here. I never thought I would be the designated butt wiper or immune to projectile vomiting or unphased when handed a booger or piece of poop. It certainly is an interesting journey! -- Elisha C

LOL Elisha - so true about being "designated butt wiper". When did *THAT* happen. Ugh. :) And yes, screening children's shows! I find myself singing Little Einstiens in my head. *make it stoooooop* --- Susie S

Shouting out"WOW ! Look at the BIG tractor!!!! " when you are driving along the road and then looking sheepishly at your hubbie cos no kids are in the car with you!!! and Susie now mines 7 I HAVE to pee alone cos he's interested!!! in the differences...... --- Glennis B

oooh, the other day was "take those coin's out of your mouth, you don't know where they've been" followed by "DONT drop them in the potty! ... Did you poop yet? ohhhhhh yes, you did" :-S And right now she's upstairs calling "are you doing wees papa?" Haha. --- Kristin W

‎@Glennis - true true! The girls got in lots of trouble today because they waltzed into the bathroom while daddy was showering. Its beyond them why they can't be in there. ;) --- Susie S

Love this. SO many things have changed that I can't really remember what life was like before. I will say that grocery shopping, now with children, feels a little like herding cats.... I think I'm going to ask my friends, too.... --- Emily C

My shoe size has changed.
I no longer freak at the sight of a child with a booger on their finger.
I can "catch" vomit or spit up with my hand without flinching.
I've read entire novels in 5 minute increments (aka: bathroom reading).
Sooo many
other things! --- Liz R

Who knew that color crayons, pennies, kiwi seeds, Water melon seeds and corn all pass through a small child's body literally whole?!?!?! Or sand small rocks and bark from our tree also come through fairly unscathed from the digestive process!!!!!

And who else besides a parent would be laughing out loud at these revelations!?!?! --- Jennifer B

‎@ Liz ... My feet changed too! I had to give a way almost my entire collection of ADORABLE shoes because they don't fit anymore ... Picture the step-sisters trying to put on the glass slipper. That was me after babies. :-( @Jennifer Bray HAHAHAHA! I find myself inspecting poop in the toilet or diaper if it smells different or I suspect yesterdays meal didn't sit well LOL! --- Joy B

I used to be a morning person. Now I'm not a morning nor night person...just let me go to bed early and sleep in late :) --- Catherine H

I can't eat lollies any more by myself! No matter how hard I try to hide them I get caught out! and it's "Ohhhhh Can I have one too?" Selfishness in me makes me want to go NO! They're all MINE! Nah nah nah nah nahhh!!! But I can't........LOL....AND I've tried sneaking just doesn't work!!!! --- Glennis B

Be sure to leave your comments! I'm sure the comments will be even better than the post!


  1. These are hilarious Suzie. Thanks for brightening my day! All very very true!

  2. The other day a Facebook friend of mine posted, "I think something died in my car. I'm pretty sure it's in Janie's diaper!"

  3. Very Very funny!!! I enjoyed reading them all. Thanks for sharing!

  4. fantasic had a good laugh at all of those, think I might steal your idea and try this on my fb soon

  5. I like your friends! I think I'd fit right in with them!