Catching up

I will try to answer some questions that were asked, a few that weren't, and generally catch you up on the last 9 weeks of secret-keeping.

How am I feeling about all this? (Elisha)
I'm excited! Now that I can breathe of sigh of relief (heard the heartbeat, saw to ultrasounds, everything looking normal thus far), it's fun. now I can tell people and be excited and chatter on with other moms about labor and baby clothes and which stroller is the best for your money. However, with that comes a bit of weird-mom-guilt. I feel like I shouldn't be excited. Or that people won't be excited for me (I'm obviously wrong about that). Or that people will think its too soon. But I have to just let that go - because honestly about 99% of it is unfounded worry. It's my own insecurities rearing their ugly heads and making me feel stupid. I would rather enjoy this pregnancy, than feel I need to take the "low road" here. I didn't take the low road with Joshua, I enjoyed every moment that I could. I think that was one of the most blessed parts of our time with him. I want to be able to tell this baby that they were anticipated with the same joy and excitement as their brother and sister were - if not more!

I had not intention of picking a "winner" for name that photo. But when I saw this, I had to post it. It's as close as you get to winning around here, as there are no prizes and I have mom-guilt about picking "the best", and leaving out the rest.

'The shadow owes its birth to "light".
This actually a famous quote (although I'd love to take credit for it) by John Gay'
- Melissa

How far along am I?
(A question I'll get asked inumerable times, so I'll just post one of those tickers up after this).
I'm due April 7th, 2009. I think. I had it figured (according to the way Dr's schedule it) for 4/7/09, then at my first scan the tech said something about being +5 days, so I figured 4/2/09. Turns out he left the paperwok at 4/7, saying it was "close enough". Well, whatever. The next scan agreed with 4/7/09. Thing is, I *know* 4/2/09 is more accurate. But I will be staying with 4/7/09. I have absolutely no intention of being induced ever again. Two times was more than enough for me thank you, and I want to go into labor naturally. Oh, and I'd just love to skip another hep-lock disaster (remember with Joshua I had to have 4 in 8 hours???). My midwife said I might actually be due in March - but for now I'll stay with my latest date, in hopes that I'll go "on time" so I don't start getting the "Let's induce you" prod. The more time I have, the less likely an induction is. Did you follow that? Clear as mud, I know.

How am I feeling?
Beyond the whole Joshua aspect. Physically I'm good. Round ligament pain is pain in the butt because even though it's not that painful - it scares the daylights out of you. Every time I feel the slighest twinge I freak out. As do most mom's - be truthful now. Nausea happened between weeks 7 and 8, and it sucked. I did not throw up though. Let here it for not puking! I am NOT a fan of puking. All up I've probably lost it about 6 times combined from both pregnancies. I just don't puke. Instead I stumble around with this ultra-queasy thing happening for hours and days on end. My condolences and high respect for high-roller-pukers! I cannot even imagine hypermesis-sufferers. And especially those of you who have jobs and/or other children. What a horrid way to start a pregnancy! (Hypermesis is those poor women who just puke and puke and puke. They end up on anti-nausea meds, and some puke their whole 9 months - God bless them!)

I'm feel flubby, but that's because I didn't get back in shape after either of my children so the spare tire/ring-o-tub/muffin top that I endeavor to mash into my jeans every day has sprung up with a vengeance screaming, "I'm a baby belly! I'm a baby belly!" and I squalk at it and say, "Oh no you don't you vengeful piece of junk, get back in where you belong!" I think what kills me is when people say, "Oh, you don't show at all", and I look down and realize my FLAB looks like FLAB. Not baby belly. Well, to be fair, I know I show. And that's all that matters. I'd rather have a bump than a blob.

Have I thought about names?
Uh, yes. Have we discussed them? No. We don't do names very well. Matt says he needs to pray about it. Fine with me. However I did tell him I get to name this one, since he named the first two. MY TURN! MY TURN! To which is sort of snorted and said, "Whatever!" I'll keep my name ideas to myself though. Watch, next week I'll be blathering on about names.

Why two ultrasounds so far?
The first was a "dating" scan. Which is sort of funny, since I'm absolutely positive on my dates. But whatever. I needed to see that heartbeat. I need to know I wasn't crazy. And I needed to know it wasn't a blighted ovum or something crazy like that. You know, once something's gone wrong, you learn all about the other things that can go wrong. Talk about pins and needles! In terms of pregnancy problems, ignorance is bliss. The less you know, the less you worry about. That said, I in no way condone not learning about your baby, your pregnancy, and the potential issues. But I realize now how relaxed I was about Oceana's pregnancy! My only real concern was - "What if they're wrong and it's a boy? I'll have to return all this pink stuff!" (*rolling my eyes* Oh, horrors!)
The second one was for nuchal translucency. With my other pregnancies I didn't get this because I was in the club, "I won't abort, so I don't need to know". I'm still in that "I won't abort club" but I needed some reassurance. 20 weeks is a long time to wait with nothing but a heart beat and some nausea to go one. We did it for peace of mind.

What's God saying?
When I first thought I was pregnant I freaked out. I was in SAMOA! And we were far away from pregnancy tests. Or at least, from anonymous places to get a pregnancy test. I knew I could probably ask the nurses on the ship if they had one, but we were afraid it woudl get out if we took one there. So we waited until we got home. Let's just say that of the two weeks I was there I spent 11 days thinking I was pregnant! Can you understand my frustration with Oceana when she wasn't sleeping 4 hours every night? I was exhausted! I was worried about folic acid and prenatals and needing a pregnancy test. And finally I felt the Lord say to "Let it go". There was nothing I could do but wait it out. I had to wait till we got home. And I had to be at peace, otherwise I was going to go crazy. And I think there was probably some pregnant-momma-hormones going on there too. Which may have explained some of my erratic behaviour there. Hehe. that and a serious lack of sleep.
But I'm at peace right now. Hearing baby's heartbeat (134b/m) last week, and seeing two scans (pictures to come) has helped that. But I'm okay, I'm feel confident that this child is healthy and whole.

And from there, I don't know what else to tell you. Feel free to ask questions. I will keep some stuff to myself, but I always love answering your questions. :)

Much love to you all.

It's been killing me to keep this from you, I love talking to you! :)