Wednesday, March 26, 2008

You should never...

I start this post by saying, "You should never..." and why is that? Because I'm still reminding myself of things I shouldn't do. Specifically - things I shouldn't have done today. Things that I did do. Hmm. Am I crazy? Ah. Yes. Yes, I am.

This is the style in New Zealand at the moment. NZ tends to have extreme fashions and they swing on a pendulum. In the US you can still get away with your Old Navy bootlegs and fitted t-shirts for years on end. Granted, you may buy a few new ones because the washer/dryer eats away at the "newness", but the BASIC style changes very little.
Not the case here. There is another photo of this girl that I won't post(Nasrina, who will KILL me if she realizes I posted her online for 2000 bloggers to see - I'm not kidding, she hates photos!). She's only 12, so I'm not posting any "cardigan-less" photos, but it's one of those tank-top-baby-doll tops with an empire waist. You can see the craziness of the print and of course paired with the black leggings and flat boots.

I used to hate this look. I thought it was 80's and unimaginative. Well, call me unimaginative and an 80's reject - a follower of the crowd as it were - but I like it. Now. Last year I thought it was dumb. Ha. Well, I can change my mind - I was pregnant last year - what was your excuse!?!?!

So here comes the "You should never..."


But I did. And I even bought skinny jeans and leggings.

I won't lie to you - it wasn't pretty. But I couldn't stand having that "Christmas-money-set-aside-for-clothes" a moment longer.

This is Easter, during worship, when I was outside taking pictures of the kids. Why? Because I'm dizzy and blonde and I just lost my son - so I excuse myself from anything whenever and however I please. Sounds a bit sharp, but basically if I can't handle something, I leave. It's easier for me than sitting there crying and having half the world rush over and hug me - coz that's worse sometimes. That's not to ward off any huggers - it's just me. My mother will be the first to tell you that I have my I NEED A HUG moments and also my DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME moments.

So what's the you should never?


Probably didn't because the photo didn't feel "right". It's supposed to have 4 in it, not 3.

What could be You should never... about this?
She is a walking porcelain doll. Gorgeous huh? That's what happens when Chinese women marry New Zealand men. They have ridiculously adorable children. Her name is Rikaela Aroha - Andrea's (who lost her husband Rik) daughter.

Our friends the Walters. We miss them, they moved to Australia last week. Blah.
That's Keryn(14), Peka, Zech(17), Jerusha(11), Keith, Eze(16) holding Oceana.


Danielle - this does not mean you can make me move back to PA. Sorry dear. Maybe I can force you to move here?
Posted by Picasa


  1. You say that girl is 12?! Wow, I was thinking she looks around 16!

  2. From that photo hunny, I'm thinkin' you look pretty darn good for 11 weeks post :) I'm um... 5 months past, and my muffin top has become decidedly tyre like. Ick. That dress looks beautiful on you... from what I could see ;)

    I know what you mean about the leggings... I can't stand them... and yet I caught myself the other day looking at a dress going "that would look great with leggings and flats" NO NO NO! BAD JENNY! *smacks hand* They are foul and should be sent to a deep dark hole! Get a grip on yourself! *grin* But I will never, ever, ever like flat boots. Give me 4" pointy ones anyday.

  3. You are too funny. I too went shopping soon after giving birth and realized that it was mistake. My "muffin top" was hanging over the sides of the jeans that would not button and those tight shirts you mentioned had no place on my body (LOL). Now I am 9 month PP though and thankfully that is no longer the case. You are such a tiny girl but give your body time to get back to what it was. By the way, that 80's style is too cute if you ask me :)
    Glad to hear you got the house!! I am so happy for all of you. So you won this, right? It's not being rented?

  4. So we can't make you move back to PA...DARN! Well, you better at least plan to visit us next time you come to visit!

    I totally understand the ducking out of crowds/church just because you don't want to explain how you're "holding up." I had the same kind of feelings after my miscarriage last year. I didn't want people hugging me, asking how I was doing, etc. It hurt to much. It was like a constant reminder. Even though it's been over a year since my loss, and I've had another baby, it still hurts, and I still cry from time to time.

    So, here's my "Never Let" Never let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you NEED to do for yourself and your family!

    Lots of love and prayers,


  5. I just wanted to say i look forward to reading your posts in the morning! I am so sorry for everything u are going through and i hope ur move is as smooth as can be!!

  6. Susie,
    The house is adorable. I am so happy you guys have that off your plate... Now the hard part of actually moving...
    I will say I am worried about you. Although I don't KNOW you & I should NOT assume to understand what you are going through. But, since Joshua's 'promotion' you have been SO busy with finding a house, now moving & working on the send off for the ship. I pray that when things settle you don't crash too hard.
    It is probably good to have so much going on right now. But, all of this must be pretty stressful. Please take care of yourself.
    Thinking of you....
    Beth in Texas

  7. Hey, I have been reading your blog for a few weeks, and never commented, but I just wanted to let you know that your story, and Joshua's life have touched me. I did a Marine Reach DTS in....2004? I think....anyway it was in Fiji, so I'm not totally random..thanks for being so open with your story....someday you should make it into a book, I think it could really encourage people who are struggling through any kind of grief...thanks again!

  8. Hi Susie, I wanted to let you know I have been a reader of your blog for quite some time. I am respectfully requesting to add your blog to the list of blogs that I read. Reading your blog has given me the strength to get through the toughest of my days. I am so sorry for your loss... and I want to send the deepest condolonces to you and your family.
    my blog is bellfamily1999 and I am asking if you would mind if I add your blog to the list of blogs I read. Thank you so much.
    sending strength to you and your family.
    Erin Bell

  9. I understand a lot of how you feel about the hugs when you don't want them. After my grandmother died, I didn't go to church that next Sunday when they were going to announce it because I didn't want people's "condolences all over me." It would have been more than I could bear emotionally and physically, because I'm also allergic to synthetic fragrances and people also put it on thick in the morning before church. I mean, how many "I'm sorries" can one take? Then, I found that I missed a lot of church because my grandmother was such a pillar there and the memories were strong and I felt teary and didn't want to be crying in public any more. Easter Sunday was actually the first Sunday in three months that I could go and not feel the loss of my grandmother there.

    Another thing I did that were VERY out of character for me was to go to the movies - all the movies - not even the matinees, but the night rate movies and sit through two or three at a time. Once I was watching a movie, I didn't have to think about anything at all and it gave me a rest from my grief.

    The last thing I did that just wasn't me was spend tons of time and money going to every single baby store having New Year's Sales and buy, buy, buy baby clothes for my future daugther. Fortunately, I used good sense so I got extrememly good deals and good quality things, but I sure didn't NEED that many baby clothes.

    However, like you, I said to myself that I can do this if I want because it makes me feel better during my time of loss, I'm not hurting anyone, and I can afford to spend my money like this for this period of time. No one knows EXACTLY how *I* feel and how I'm doing and what I'm thinking so I'm going to do this the only way I can.

    About the "I'm sorries"...
    I finally dealt with it by saying this so quickly after the "I'm sorry" that I almost, but not quite, cut them off, thus nixing that pitying, uncomfortable look some people get after saying it: "Thank you, it was actually a happy passing because my grandmother was 95 and had lived a happy, healthy life until the rapid decline in her last three months. I feel very priviledged to have had those special weeks with her, taking care of her."

    I found that by saying this, it opened a door for people with the same belief and respect for natural death to actually have a conversation that had meaning to both of us and honored our decease loved ones.

    I think of Joshua's life along similar lines. He couldn't grow up with that heavy 'cele on his head and have a productive life, but, as a baby, he could touch people around the world and bring love and joy to his family. Being sorry only applies to a small part of his life, that he had a 'cele in the first place and that his time here was short because of it and that you now have to feel so sad missing him. All the rest of his life, all those things you listed as his accomplishments, and all the answers of prayers, and all the good that came into people's lives from reading about Joshua, all the witnesses to your faith and how my own and other's faith was strengthened and the fact that he's with Heavenly Father now... Who can be sorry about that?

  10. Susie, does this mean that my friends here can't let me move to NZ? And what about friends moving back from other countries?
    See you soon

  11. I'm seriously all about that "don't touch me - i'm upset!" moments. I very rarely am in the "hug me i'm upset" mood. It's easier for me to deal in private - so I totally feel you on that one.

    That picture is really awesome and that dress looks gorgeous! I've never been able to find a long dress that looks good on me. Boo.

    Congrats on the house!