Sunday, March 23, 2008

Found some *old* pictures

From Joshua's first week (I think). My thought as I looked at it:
"These feet that never walked a step have blazed a trail."

"Once upon a belly"
Christmas day (uh... that's 15 days before Joshua arrived)

That's my tummy - I always look like I'm smuggling a basketball while I'm pregnant.

A few thoughts about Easter

I woke up early this morning (a combination of setting the alarm - which Matt turned off before it alarmed and told me it was nearly 7am - and Oceana crying at the same time). I went with Oceana and my parents to a sunrise Easter service (we can do that stuff because it's still summer here). It's strange sometimes for Easter to be gorgeous weather - you never need to worry about whether or not your Easter dress is too springy (ie. You'll freeze your tush off). It was gorgeous. I took pictures. But I haven't uploaded the pictures yet, maybe tomorrow.
As I was sitting there thinking about Easter and Joshua I had a few thoughts.
**I am so glad that there is a resurrection in Christ. If Joshua had just died and this life was the end I would not be doing well. I would be slitting my wrists probably. How depressing to think about my baby - gone before me, gone too soon - with nothingness for eternity. But that's not the case at all! Because of Jesus Christ, the sacrifice He made in dying, and the wonderful resurrection of His physical body, there is an oppurtunity to be with Him forever.
15 March 2008 wasn't the end of my son's life. It was only the beginning.

**I am so glad that God didn't just set up "resurrection" or "life after death". He IMPLEMENTED it. He sent His son to be the FIRST to die and be raised. What a beautiful picture. But imagine if it were just a "theory" someone told us! I would have a really hard time believing it. Because I know that Jesus was raised, it is so much easier for me to believe that Joshua has been raised to life in anothe world - a heavenly realm where he is without defect and pain and any risk of death.

**I am so glad that death only happens once. There is eternal life - which (simplistic I know...) means there's never going to be another death for Joshua. Joshua is alive forever after. Happily Ever After. :) Perfect Cinderella-Ending for Oceana's gorgeous brother, huh?

Happy Easter. Eat some chocolate for me.
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  1. Hey Susie,
    I have been reading your blog. I hope you do write that book, you are very good at putting things into words and I think it will be an incredible blessing to other mum's who endure the same/similar heartache.
    I pray you know, you do not have to know how you are feeling. Some days you may be able to put it into words, other days - like you say may only be described as 'Joshua-stuff'.
    You will miss him, and cry for him but most of all you will remember him.
    I watched a video the other day about a connective protein we have in our bodies called laminin, when it is drawn out in its molecular form it is in the shape of the cross. I thought this was pretty cool. There is so much of this world and the heavenly world that we do not understand. I was reminded of the verse ' never will I leave you... Jesus is in us and just to remind us God put the symbol of his cross in our makeup.
    I thought that was pretty cool.
    Thinking of you, Love Rae

  2. You are leading literally nations of people with your gorgeous spirit girl. Stay the course. You and your beautiful son have a divine purpose.
    God Bless you Susie.

  3. Happily ever after indeed. :)

    Praying your boy and my girl find sweet ways to send us glimpses of the Christ they see today!

  4. We are definitely lucky to know God's plan of salvation through His son Jesus Christ. I, too, couldn't keep living without knowing that I'll be reunited with my loved ones who have gone to Heaven ahead of me and that we'll all be together again.

    Now that I feel my grandmother watching me from above, I think twice before I act if I'm tempted to make a wrong choice. I wonder if this is how wisdom starts and why it's considered something that comes will old age because the older we are, the more people we've lost and can feel watching our every move.

  5. Consider the chocolate eaten ;)

    What lovely thoughts to be thinking on first thing in the morning :)

    And your Prince Charming deserved a cinderella ending.

    Love to you, sweet thing.

  6. That is beautiful Susie! I love the thought of a perfect ending for Joshua. Happy Easter to all of you!

  7. hi. just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and your family. today is the 8th anniversary of my daughters passing and having it fall on easter sunday has been so comforting, your thoughts on easter are so right, makes it a bit easier to know that will see them again. all i can say again is that i am thinking of you all there is really nothing elseto say

  8. Thank you, Susie. I needed to read this on this blessed Easter morning. God has His hand on your family and is using you in a big way.

    Still praying,
    Karen in TN

  9. I woke up this morning to view Nathan's blog on Gwyneth & Tricia, your blog and Eva Janette's blog.

    I was overwhelmed when I read Eva's blog. My prayers are with your family on this Easter Sunday and with the family of Eva.

  10. Trail blazer for sure, Susie.

    Happy Easter. Hugs...


  11. Hi Susie,

    Beautiful truths on a beautiful Easter morning. I love the simplicity of the Gospel. Happily Ever After:) for all who believe and accept Him. As He said, "unless we believe as little children, we will not see His kingdom", Joshua and his full little life has just begun. And you have His HOPE living in your hearts. I pray for you daily Susie and I know God will bring you through this valley. May He bless you beyond your dreams as He leads you through. Eva is with Joshua now, dancing and praising the Lord for His gift.

    Love you Susie, Matt and Oceana, Laurie in Ca.

  12. YES YES YES! I Love what you said, Susie. ONLY ONE DEATH. That is amazing - thank you for putting it so simply. (Sometimes we need to be smacked in the face with simple truths, don't we?)

    For all of us who have lost someone, what a relief to know that as horrible, painful, lonely, and heartbreaking it can be, it will NEVER happen again. They are alive forever with NO death or pain. EVER. Praise God.

    Maybe Joshua, Eva, my first little one, and millions of other children are clapping their hands with glee that this "simplistic truth" has smacked me in the face this morning.

    Happy Easter to you too.

  13. Hey susie

    I want you to know, that even though I know there is no god and no heaven, that there can be so much taken from Joshuas life. To me, the only life we have is the one on this earth, and Joshua was born alive, into a beautiful loving family, he recieved gifts and love and your strong body crafted him so that he lived so much longer than anyone thought. He touched so many people, had the best food, bed, clothes a baby could have, and saw a lovely new zealand summer. How wonderful!

    Please, don't take comfort ONLY in thinking he's dancing around with the big guy, take comfort in knowing YOU made his life amazing, and YOU gave him so much more than so many other children around the world who've died of hunger thirst or disease could've ever dreamt of. He died in his parents arms, the safest place he'll ever be. You did an amazing job.

    Please don't think we'd slit our wrists, we rejoice in his beautiful life and be happy he doesn't have to work so bloody hard at living anymore, and if you're dead, there is no 'nothingness', just peace.

    Be strong. (and courageous)

    Mary L.

  14. Hey Susie...

    Just to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you...
    and know too that the whole of pursuits 07 is lifting you up at this time...

    You and Matt are so courageous...

    I am definately blessed to know you and am inspired by your steadfast faith even in the midst of adversity...
    That's what faith is, huh?
    Real faith isn't based on circumstances, feelings or situations always going our way.

    I really admire how you literally praise God no matter what life throws at you!

    I was priviliged to have met Joshua - my life has definately been blessed by his and he truly challenged me to make the most of every day and I love that his precious life was short but SO sweet!
    It amazes me how he became so famous across the world!
    I believe that seeds have definately been sown worldwide and people will come to know Christ through Joshua Matthew.

    I love how real you are when you write.. you manage to capture such beauty...
    Dont stop writing! Ever! Its most defintely a gift!

    Love to your family

    Xx Tash xX

  15. Thinking of you and that beautiful boys smile today. How awesome it is he is in the Lords presense. You are in my prayers thoughout my day.


  16. Beautifully Written! This life is not the end, it is just a speck of dust compared to what Eternity is. And how wonderful it is to know you WILL see Joshua again. I can not imagine the pain you are going through but I can imagine how knowing there is Eternity would get you through the day without you wonderful son here on earth.

    Strait Shooter's comment made me smile because just the other day we were listening to Phil Wickham's song called "Divine Romance" and my husband said that song reminded him of Joshua every time he heard it. You definatly have a Divine Purpose here and your story touches so many.
    Divine Romance by Phil Wickham


  18. happy easter susie -feel good <333


  19. Susie, You are so right, Joshua's little feet did not walk but what an amazing trail they blazed! Know too that you also are blazing a trail. The words you write are comforting and encourageing to so many people, those who have experienced what you and your family have gone and are going through and also to those who read and come to reaslise that YES we do have a GREAT God. As Rae said about the Laminin - what a great God to let us know in that way that He is always with us.
    I am praying for you and Matt to have a calmness as you pack and prepare to move. I know that it is hard when 'you don't know where your moving to' and there are times when we think that God is leaving things to the eleventh hour but just lean on your trust in Him and He will have the perfect place for you.
    I read your blog several times a day and have passed it on to a number of people who have found comfort in your writing - so as long as you can keep it up girl - you are an incredible wonderful person and a shining light even in your own darkest hour. Lots of love Madge

  20. I hope Easter was as gentle as it could be for you & yours.

  21. We have such hope! Hope built on Jesus! That beautiful song swirls in my head as I write this....

    "When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace.
    In every high and stormy gale,
    My anchor holds within the veil

    On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
    All other ground is sinking sand

    His oath, His covenant, His blood,
    Support me in the whelming flood.
    When all around my soul gives way,
    He then is all my Hope and Stay"

    May He be your Hope and Stay Susie.

    I'd eat chocolate for you if I could. Gladly.