Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Day 44

Okay. I'm calm. Really. Please, understand that I was angry when I read the comment. And I didn't wait to comment. I should have waited, because my response probably wouldn't have been so crazy. And thank you for all 64 comments. Haha. I can see there's a few mommas out there who think like me. I know the person probably meant well. And some people don't understand how good breastmilk really is. There's still a stigma to breastfeeding (in some circles). I know formula's the "easy" answer. But please understand how much it bothers me that I'm trying my best, and someone questions my best. I have nothing better to do! I'm worrying about his weight all the time. I worry about whether or not he'll turn 7 weeks. I worry he won't be able to meet his Uncle Bryce, Auntie Christina, and Cousin Miles in 3 weeks. I worry my sister Havalah will never meet him. I worry that I've damaged his brain more by handling him. I worry that his bandages aren't clean, I worry that I'm hurting him and don't realize it, I worry about his cold hands and feet, I worry about him sleeping too much, I worry about his hands clenching up and flexing funny, I worry about Oceana loving him now and missing him later, I worry about Oceana "beating up" on him (poking him, pulling his legs, leaning on him), I worry about cleaning his bottles well enough, I worry ALL DAY LONG about the possibility of dropping him. I worry about everything! I'm a momma. And I'm a momma of a special boy.
His weight continues to frustrate me. However. I'm proud to announce that Joshua put on 3 oz this week. He's 6lbs 13oz now. I'm shooting for 7lbs by next week. He's got 6 days till his next appointment! I've gotten some really good advice. I've heard Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, and Brewer's Yeast will up my supply. I've heard about preemie nipples (less work for him) and preemie formula (higher calories). I've got a number for La Leche League who might have connections for an electric pump to help me up my supply, and cut down on the time I spend pumping. And I've started giving him some of his formula/breastmilk by syringe (so he doesn't waste energy eating!).
Much love to you all. Here's a few pictures of my exhausted little ones. :) Too cute.
Please pray that Joshua gains. And please pray that his cele heals. The smaller of the two exposed places has healed over. But the bigger one was :gunky: today. Heather's going to change the bandages ever other day (it was every 3 days while we were away) to keep it clean. Thanks everybody. Xo.


"I'm so tired Momma, don't wake me up!"


"I'm tired too Momma...."
That's her pillow - on top of her. Whatever Oceana. So long a you're asleep.
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14 comments:

  1. Susie, You are a great mom and the best mom in this world for Joshua because you are the mom that God gave Joshua. You go girl!!! Love and prayers

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  2. Susie...my little guy also had trouble gaining weight=he would only drink an ounce or two and then throw it all up. Until last month, he was only gaining several ounces per month. It breaks a mothers heart to see her baby struggle with something so basic and so vital to his very existence. It is a lonely battle you wage, but know my heart feels it, and am praying for that 7 pound victory....you are an incredible woman!

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  3. i am thankful your precious boy has gained some weight, and the cele spots are healing. We are praying God's will and life over him, and over your family.

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  4. Your children are precious and you are a great mom. You are worrying about all the things we new mom's worry about. Hang in there.

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  5. Hi Suzie. I have another tip... hope you don't mind so many people giving you "advice". Do they have domperidone in NZ? I struggled with supply for a very long time until I got some of this. I have been using it for 6 months (slowly weaning off of it now). It worked AWESOME. I ordered mine from an online pharmacy... but I know it is readily available in some countries. If the fenugreek etc. doesn't work for you, you might want to look into it. Kellymom.com has more info if you need it.

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  6. Too cute! He looks like he's saying "no pics, I'm sleeping!" w/ his arm over his face. And my my is he super long...at least he looks really long in the pic. And Oceana looks to be doing the same w/ her arm over her face! So precious! Both of your little ones!

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  7. Way to go litte man - well done both of you for him gaining 3ozs, sounds like things are going the right way.

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  8. You are doing all that you can do. Keep it up. The only question that I have, is whether or not any surgery can be done to help. Take care

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  9. I can't imagine the stress you are under. I know that your situation breaks my heart. I've cried my heart out to God for you and your family more times than I can count. Brian and I love you all dearly and wish we could be closer. We will continue to pray for you all.

    Debbie

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  10. Bless your heart, you are doing the very best you can and better than anyone else could in the same situation! Follow your heart. You know the little guy better than anyone else,

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  11. the electric pump does wonders! it helped me out a ton while Addisyn was in the hospital and they wouldn't let me feed her (i was as livid as you were). Just be SUPER careful with increasing the speed. :) good luck with it!!

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  12. Susie - Joshua looks sooooooo long! How "tall" is he now? Three ozs. is GREAT! They both are beautiful children. You are blessed to have them. Jan from Texas

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  13. Hey Susie, I just figured out how to leave a comment without having to goto email - I know but I am blond after all.
    Hey you know this and several of your bloggers have told you, I do know you, at least a little and I confirm you are a fantastic mum. The only people that have any right to comment on Oceana and Joshua are you, Matt and God and I reackon God's pretty proud right now. You keep going girl.
    Love Rae

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  14. He is so cute - those skinny legs & arms will get chunky soon now that he's guzzling! He looks really tall from that picture! Praying for you all!

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