Day 44

Okay. I'm calm. Really. Please, understand that I was angry when I read the comment. And I didn't wait to comment. I should have waited, because my response probably wouldn't have been so crazy. And thank you for all 64 comments. Haha. I can see there's a few mommas out there who think like me. I know the person probably meant well. And some people don't understand how good breastmilk really is. There's still a stigma to breastfeeding (in some circles). I know formula's the "easy" answer. But please understand how much it bothers me that I'm trying my best, and someone questions my best. I have nothing better to do! I'm worrying about his weight all the time. I worry about whether or not he'll turn 7 weeks. I worry he won't be able to meet his Uncle Bryce, Auntie Christina, and Cousin Miles in 3 weeks. I worry my sister Havalah will never meet him. I worry that I've damaged his brain more by handling him. I worry that his bandages aren't clean, I worry that I'm hurting him and don't realize it, I worry about his cold hands and feet, I worry about him sleeping too much, I worry about his hands clenching up and flexing funny, I worry about Oceana loving him now and missing him later, I worry about Oceana "beating up" on him (poking him, pulling his legs, leaning on him), I worry about cleaning his bottles well enough, I worry ALL DAY LONG about the possibility of dropping him. I worry about everything! I'm a momma. And I'm a momma of a special boy.
His weight continues to frustrate me. However. I'm proud to announce that Joshua put on 3 oz this week. He's 6lbs 13oz now. I'm shooting for 7lbs by next week. He's got 6 days till his next appointment! I've gotten some really good advice. I've heard Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, and Brewer's Yeast will up my supply. I've heard about preemie nipples (less work for him) and preemie formula (higher calories). I've got a number for La Leche League who might have connections for an electric pump to help me up my supply, and cut down on the time I spend pumping. And I've started giving him some of his formula/breastmilk by syringe (so he doesn't waste energy eating!).
Much love to you all. Here's a few pictures of my exhausted little ones. :) Too cute.
Please pray that Joshua gains. And please pray that his cele heals. The smaller of the two exposed places has healed over. But the bigger one was :gunky: today. Heather's going to change the bandages ever other day (it was every 3 days while we were away) to keep it clean. Thanks everybody. Xo.


"I'm so tired Momma, don't wake me up!"

"I'm tired too Momma...."
That's her pillow - on top of her. Whatever Oceana. So long a you're asleep.