Saturday, December 29, 2007

40 weeks

Oceana after her Sunday afternoon nap. We were reading a Pooh Bear book that came from Gramma Sams for Christmas. That dress is a shirt, just in case anyone thinks I let my little girl run around with her diaper out for the world to see. (*I am one of those mom's though - the ones that let their kids run in diapers - because skin is easier to clean than clothing!*)
This is 40 weeks. In highlighter yellow. It's a whole lot brighter than the picture shows.
(Present from my mum who knew that even with a week or two to go, I still needed a wardrobe boost).
I feel pretty good today - just tired and a bit on the "overactive imagination" side. Any little twinge, cramp, or stomach "bunch" feels like the beginnings of labor. Matt needs to leave tomorrow morning at 4am to pick up his mom, which means he'll be away for 5 hours tomorrow (airport is 2 hours drive) morning and of course I'm convinced I'll go into labor in those 5 hours - because life is just that ironic. If I do go into labor, or I feel like I'll be in labor while he's gone, someone else CAN go - but Matt wants to go. I'd love to go too.... but that would put me 3 hours away from my hospital - not the smartest move the day after my due date. :)

I'm anemic. Yay... I knew I was a bit low a few weeks ago. My midwife had put me Ferro Liquid - which tastes like orange koolaid and rusty nails (no, I wish I was kidding). I was not very consistant about taking it, because it tasted bad. And when I went back for a re-check I was low enough that Pat (midwife) put me on iron pills as well as a the two doses of ferro liquid every day. That means I have iron supplements at every meal. Oh baby... but no wonder I was tired! We're taking drastic measures to get my iron back up because no iron could cause me to labor badly or hemorrage during birth. Neither are good options right???? :) So, we'll hopefully have this sussed out soon.

In the meantime, I'm 40 weeks pregnant and feel extremely tired from that... plus anemic, so I'm overtired from that. Ugh. I'm telling you - a 20 month old waking you up at 6:30-7:00am every morning is a bit of a punishment when you're this tired.

I spent part of the afternoon looking at Trisomy 18 websites. I've found a few links to families expecting Edward's Syndrome (Trisomy 18) babies. These families are similar to ours in that:
1) They are Bible-believing Christians
2) They are expecting "not-compatible-with-life" children
3) They blog.

I'm always struck by the faith these men and women have. Somehow I have it in my head that they're like "Alpha-Over-The-Top-Eloquent-Christian-Parents". I have to fight the mindset that tells me I'm "less than them" because I'm not constantly dwelling on God and His saving power, His ability to perform a mirace, His sustaining grace, and His faithfulness. I am aware of these things - I know I wouldn't make it through the day without them. But I'm not thinking about them.

Maybe because I'm young, and have an aversion to Blah-blah-blah-Christianity... perhaps that causes my avoidance of writing all about God and all sorts of verses, etc. Maybe I complain too much when I say that people say stupid things or that I'm uncomfortable or that maybe not everything's going right. I think it's just one of many ways God's after me to be humble. I don't know what humility looks like exactly... but I know I don't like to learn it.

Do I not trust God enough? Do I not pray enough? Do I not read my Bible enough? Do I not believe for a miracle enough? I know that by posting this, you - my faithful *obsessive* blog readers - will tell me that I'm obviously trusting God, I do pray, that God's not expecting more from me than I can give. I know you... you're wonderful like that! But perhaps its like how everyone finds it difficult to see their own good qualities. Perhaps that's what's going on here.

If you need a small glimpse of what's going on - imagine knowing your best friend will pass away in a few days, and add that to the hormones of a full-term pregnancy. A friend - Tim Fuest - once said to me that a pregnant woman has 10x the amount of hormones surging through her body that a hormonally-charged-woman on her period does. If you've ever gotten annoyed by a mother, sister, wife, or friend who was period-ing or you are one of those women - you'll understand what I mean. If by chance you're a mommy, you'll understand that 40 weeks *ARGH-ness* that overwhelms you. Add to that "death staring you in the face".... and your blogs would be disorganized and discombobulated too. You'd not know what to say, do, or think. You too would eat chocolate, rejoice over lost fluid-retention weight (33 to 28lbs in 2 days... labor must be immanent), thinking you're going into labor every 10 minutes, eat all the good food in the fridge, watch movies, and refuse to walk anywhere. Ok - that's not really specific to my situation - that's just due date talking there. But I do feel strange... emotionally strained and physical exhausted. Please pray that both Matt and I have the emotional and physical stability and strength we need.
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  1. oh susie, i hate to be laughing out loud, but when i read the part that said, faithful *obsessive* blog readers my mom and i burst out laughing, as we wondered out loud, "how does she know??." YOu really are an amazing writter, not just good but amazing. Like, i think you could collect all your writings and create a book that anyone would be honored to read. As we read your blogs we feel conected to whats going on, and i think in some strange way, it helps us cope too, to whats going on. Thank you for letting us into your daily life...
    Christina Taylor & Momma

  2. Still checking in... ummm okay obsessive? =)
    Still wishing a peaceful birth, every single waking thought is for that.

  3. Dear Susie: My name is Michelle and I have a blog at and my website ( just recently re done and still under construction ) is I want to express both my sympathy and empathy for what you are going through. We have lost 2 of our infant sons to Pena Shokeir type 1. One baby died right after he was born and the other lived 10 months but, we are too familiar with the path of living out a pregnancy knowing that the outcome will not be what we hoped. I am a Midwife and an intern spiritual director. I also work closely with families who are going through what you are...I companion them prenatally, attend the birth as a support person/doula in hospital or Midwife at home (their choice ) and stay with them through the process offering practical, emotional and spiritual support as needed. Please know that I am here for you, in any way I can be; certainly in prayer but if you need someone to "talk" to via e mail--please feel free to contact me at May the Peace of the Lord be with you! Yours,MIchelle.

  4. hey susie...I know this doesn't sound helpful at all...and no I don't "understand" full term birth...but the tired thing...I understand that all too well:) Even the slightest bit of exercise can put me out for quite a few days. (underactive thyroids do that, lol) so honestly...I hear ya in the tired aspect...the pregnancy aspect not yet, but I am sure I will understand even more then....I looove your photos cute!!!