Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Joshua's 2nd birthday

My beautiful son, Happy Birthday!

You had your own ideas, from the very start.

Doctors -- very smart doctors, who knew what they were talking about -- told us that you wouldn't live.

They told us that you might die before you ever had the chance to breathe.

You were safe inside me for 41 weeks and 2 days.

And in my heart of hearts I hoped all the ultrasounds were wrong.

When you arrived, your condition was just as they had described.

But they were wrong about one thing.

You didn't die.

In fact, you defied the odds.

You didn't just defy the odds, you became an anomaly.

You became a medical miracle.

For 67 days you lived in our arms.

Free of tubes, wires, incubators, hospital scrubs, none were found in our home.

Instead you wore your own clothes, your own blankets, slept in your borrowed bassinet, and wore your funny little hats.

You had the most delicate hands, that did funny little things.

Your fingers didn't want to curl around my fingers like your sister's had, so instead I helped you curl them around mine.

You experienced life in your own way.

Dignified, stubborn, and so loved.

Tonight I told your Nana again how you knew me, even though you may not have been consciously aware.

Your spirit recognized mine, you felt our love.

You went from being loved inside me, to being loved outside me, to being loved away from me - but with Jesus

Your sister still knows you. She recognizes you, she talks about you.

You have another sister now too. She will learn to love you.

You will always be an integral part of our family.

Joshua Matthew, you can never be replaced, you can never be forgotten.

To forget you, would be to ignore the missing puzzle piece in the middle of a puzzle.

It is obvious to us, every moment of the day, that you are not here.

As much as life would have been extraordinarily busy with you and your two sisters, I wish for the chaos every day.

I wish for two babies in nappies.

I wish for a toddler who gets into trouble!

I wish for a reason to look in the boy's clothing department.

I wish for frogs, dirt, sticks, and trucks.

Trains, planes, and automobiles.

But Joshua, even though we don't have you in the way we so desire, we have you still.

You are ever present in our minds and our hearts.

Your perfect little face, your perfect hands and feet. Your outtie belly-button, your single solitary curl.

Your skinny little legs, your perfectly kissable cheeks [just like your little sister's].

Big Brother, Little Brother, Son, Grandson, Great-Grandson.


41 weeks, 2 days, and 67 days of miracles.

You lived.

Joshua Matthew Sams
7 January 2008
Born at 6:24pm @ Tauranga Birthing Unit
with the help of Dr Mattius Seidel & Midwifes Pat Stringer & Eudette Madsen.
Weighing 6lbs, 80z, and 17 inches in length.
With on curl between your head and your 'cele,
Long thin hands, feet, fingers, and legs
No wimpers, no cries, just one little squeak.

Joshua, you were loved every moment of your life.

You are still loved, in every moment.

We miss you, we love you, and we can't wait to see you!

All our love,

Momma, Daddy, Oceana, and Naomi

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  1. Beautiful...
    Happy Birthday Joshua!

  2. beautiful susie... just beautiful.

  3. Happy 2nd birthday Joshua.....

  4. Happy 2nd birthday sweet baby boy!

  5. Thinking of you today, and that beautiful boy who blessed the hearts and lives of many

  6. Beautiful post... I always love to see pictures of Joshua up... Happy birthday little man :)

  7. I bawled like a baby when I read this, Susie. Seeing Joshua's photos was so beautiful, but so hard. I am missing him with you so much today. I read about Joshua every single day of his life and stayed up nearly the whole night before he went to Heaven, checking in on you guys.

    I love you, your spirit, your family, and am missing Joshua with you today.

  8. That is a beautiful tribute to your little boy!!

  9. What a precious post. I can't believe it's been two years.

    Hugs and prayers.

    Kristen (who has a Joshua too)

  10. He was so beautiful Susie.

    Praying for you today...

  11. Happy Birthday Joshua! It was so nice to look at pictures of you again! Sending Love!

  12. Susie, this is just a beautiful tribute to such a tremendous fighter! I managed to make it to "She will learn to love you" before I started crying...Thank you for sharing him with us for those amazing 67 days, even though were on the other side of the world.

  13. Hi, I found you via MckMama. I just wanted to tell you that your little boy is gorgeous and must have been quite a trooper to have stayed with you for 67 whole days. God truly is an awesome God. Happy Birthday, Joshua!

    Also, I love the name Oceana. That was my grandmother's middle name but I've never heard it anywhere else. Now I can prove to my hubby that it is a real name!

    Thank you for sharing your families story with all of us.

  14. " I was thinking abut what's ahead for the baby. Can you imagine-it will be
    taking its first steps on the streets of Heaven! Hannah was a mother who
    certainly knows how special a little baby is. Perhaps she'll be the one who
    will let it hold her finger as it takes those first staggering steps; and
    maybe she will be the one to coax it into taking it first steps alone!
    Perhaps Dorcas will see to it that its hems get let out, and that the
    buttons are sewn on that growing child. And Joshua! Just think what it would
    be like for a child to climb into his lap and hear-first hand- about the
    battle of jericho!..
    Maybe Petrer will take it fishing someday! It will never fall out of tree or
    breaks it's leg, for there is no pain or tears there! It won;t be afraid of
    the dark for there is no darkness there. The King of Kings, the Lord of
    Lords, he is the very one who said, "let the little children come to me." I
    expect there will be many a time when he himself will take that baby in his
    lap and let it know a love that makes all other loves seem puny by contrast.
    I wouldn't be surprised if the Heavenly Father keeps a few lollipops handy
    for just such occasions....
    And one day, you will be greeted with a " Hi Dad and Mom! I've got some of
    the neatest things to show you; and some really fantastic people i can't
    wait for you to meet."

  15. Happy birthday, Joshua (and family). You were - and are - loved by all who know you =)

  16. So beautiful!
    Happy Birthday Joshua!

  17. What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful baby boy! Happy Birthday, Joshua!

  18. Just Beautiful!


  19. Dear Precious Joshua, Happy 2 Birthday Baby boy!! You are loved and missed. :)

  20. Found you through MckMama!

    Happy Birthday Joshua!!!!!! I bet you're having a great party with Jesus in heaven!

    Thank you for sharing this with us!

  21. Happy 2nd Birthday, sweet Joshua! You were and still are one amazing Little Man. I have come to know & love you through your Mama's blog, and I can honestly say I look forward to meeting you some day in Heaven.

    Blessings to you on this bittersweet day, Sams family. Thinking of and praying for you today and always.


  22. Susie

    Such a beautiful and sweet post. Yes, he will always be the puzzle piece forever missing but with the knowledge that you will see him again it will almost be bearable. I can't believe it has been 2 years! I remember praying so hard (as many others did) for him to stay with his earthly family for awhile....God is certainly awesome!

    You have a wonderful family and you have a wonderful outlook on life....

  23. What an absolutely beautiful post!

    Laurie in Minnesota

  24. BEAUTIFUL! :) Praying for you and your family! :)

  25. He was so sweet and cute and I loved reading about him all 67 days he was here on earth! He is with Jesus and he can walk and run and he will see you again! Happy Birthday Joshua!

  26. Happy Birthday sweet Joshua! Remembering with you, today...

  27. i bawled the whole time i read this...thanks for sharing from the heart. He was made for Heaven!

  28. Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven, beautiful baby boy :*).

    *hugs* Beautiful post!

  29. That was a beautiful post. Joshua lives on in all of our hearts. Happy Birthday to your precious son!

  30. Happy birthday to Joshua. :) I enjoyed looking at those photos -- most of them again, if I remember correctly. Such a beautiful baby.

  31. Susie,
    I've read your blog since Joshua was born. I think I came to it from Rebecca Fradin's blog about her son Benjamin, after meeting her on Babyfit. Even though you and I have never met, as I was driving home from work today, I though of you and Joshua and that I thougth it was his birthday. So amazing has your testimony of love and faith that out of the blue I thought of you and your sweet Joshua today. Thankyou for sharing your life and faith in such a open and powerful way. May the peace and love of Christ be with you everyday.
    Laura, Mom of 3; Emily age 4, David age 2 and Charlotte- 10 months, Indianapolis, IN.

  32. Happy Birthday Joshua! You are a beautiful boy, much loved.

    I started reading whilst you were pregnant with Joshua and love checking in with your family.

  33. You are an incredible mama and writer! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  34. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! He was lucky to have been so loved :)

  35. Happy Birthday, Joshua! We miss you so much. Everything mommy says is true and really beautiful. You are so blessed to have her for your mommy. We can't wait to see you and hold you again. We love you buddy!

    Gramma Sams

  36. Happy Birthday little man! I think it's safe to say that having touched the lives of people all over the world, you will be loved and remembered for a long, long time!

  37. I don't remember how I found you but I have been lurking for quite a while. This was so touching. I am sure you have been an inspiration to many. Thanks for continuing to share your life and your faith with so many.

  38. This was so beautiful and heart touching and honest. Happy birthday, Joshua!

    Your blog is an inspiration to me, and I wanted to give you an award. Will you come check it out, please? {grin}

  39. I came to your site from the rec. of another blogger friend~

    What a precious miracle you're holding!

    Happy Birthday to your sweetheart~

  40. What a beautiful post. You are an inspiration to many as you talk about your faith and your love.

  41. Susie-
    Have thought SO MUCH of you guys these last several days... the days before, the day of, and those 67 precious days after his birth. What a beautiful time of memories and now a lingering longing for all those boy things around your home. I often wish for the almost 2-year-old little brother that is missing here too. Praise God for our Lord and Savior and their perfection with Him! Eternity will be amazing! Such a beautiful post.

    Love lots,

  42. Happy birthday, Joshua. And a big hug to you, Susie. Such a hard day, I imagine.

    I'm wondering if it would be alright with you if I quoted a bit of this post on my blog (with link, of course!) We just lost our second-born son, John David, and what you said about the missing puzzle piece really resonates for me.

  43. Happy Birthday 'Shua!
    I'm so happy I got to meet you, your life has forever touched mine.

    I love you so much Susie, your words were beautiful and brought me to tears... hopefully we can talk soon.

    Kiss one of the balloons for me? and tell my beautiful nephew how much we both love him.

    Love you all,
    Auntie Cate and Uncle Drew

  44. Happy late birthday, Joshua! What a beautiful miracle - and what an awesome testimony your family's faith is!

  45. Happy(belated) Birthday Joshua!