Sunday, August 31, 2008

When you least expect it

This morning two of my friends dedicated their 6 month old sons to the Lord. It would have been three friends, but Alistar (first baby I held after Joshua) was sick, so he'll have to wait a while.

Ethan's easy enough to watch being dedicated. It's a bit too familiar though, their daughter Amy is their first, and she's 2. Ethan's just a little younger than Joshua.

But Eli's a different story. Eli is Missy & Cory's 6th child. But they only have 2 with them. They had three early miscarriages, and then lost their daughter Ariella at 22 weeks. Their next daughter Stasi is only a few months younger than Oceana, and Eli's about the same age as Joshua. And they retold their story this morning.

I cried a few tears, but more so I felt that nagging thing in my heart, "We should be up there". In fact, of the three families who were going to dedicate their children this morning, all of them have a 2 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. Ironic, huh?

I was blessed though that Missy sought me out to check on me. She knows. I know. We were next to each other at the conference in June that talked on and on about the "miracle babies" that God had given people that year. And I am okay. But it's gonna "pop up" every once in a while, and I know that.


  1. It sounds like you handled that occasion with lots of grace, it must stir up a lot of longing *hugs*

    I read through bloglines so don't see the piccies that are always on the blog - was lovely to see the ones you found on your work computer the other day :)

  2. Praying for you Susie!


  3. Susie-
    Praying for you. As a mommy who has lost seven babies through miscarriages I know what you mean about those moments popping up. Sending Hugs and sharing tears.
    Rachel in PA

  4. Jericho was dedicated to today too. At some point I remember wondering if we would ever have a little one with us long enough that got to be dedicated at church (Gideon was dedicated at the hospital)

    Even though I had no problems at all with Jericho I think of her as our "miracle baby" It's a miracle to me that she is here with us.

    Things do "pop up" they always will. I don't know about you but I'm actually thankful for that.


  5. Hi Susie,

    You have such a beautiful and honest heart. Thank you for always sharing it with us. Baby dedications, showers, the baby department in the store, nurseries...etc. All of those things can send us to "that place". And sometimes a smell, a season change, a fleeting memory. Unexplainable things can do it, too. Three baby dedications so similar to your own family must have really been difficult. My heart is hurting with you at the thought of it. It does sound like you handled it with grace. And, you're is going to "pop up" every once and awhile...for the rest of your life. That doesn't mean that you are not still strong and courageously trusting the Lord. That just means you love your precious Joshua, and you miss him. You are his mother, after all. It has been twelve years since our Faith and Grace went home to heaven and ten years since our Thomas joined them. It will be two years this October since my mother passed away. With every season change...there are moments when the memories, the sorrow, the longing, the ache, washes over me. The feelings do not always take over like they did when our grief was new, but they are always quietly our hearts and part of who we are as a family. I'm praying God's continued comfort for you as He carries you through this journey.

    In His Grace,
    Kelly Gerken
    Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women