Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Having a Joshua evening

Last night Oceana woke up an hour after her bedtime screaming and crying. Matt went to check on her and she said she had to go to the bathroom. When he got her in there and took off her sleeper he found hot, red bumps all over her legs, arms, and some on her face. It seems to have been some type of allergic reaction. We changed her sheets, put her sheepie downstairs to go out in the sun, put some cream on the bumps, and Matt took her upstairs to bed. After two hours she was still awake and Matt was falling asleep. I took her downstairs and watched a few TV shows - trying to get her to lie down with me. At 1am I finally laid down and pulled up a blanket. The TV never got turned off. Dinner never got put away. The light never got turned off. And Oceana really never went to bed. She slept some, but woke up around 5am and was on and off awake till 6. I put on a movie after that and fell back asleep. Next thing I knew it was 8:50 and Matt had already left for work.

I got up and surveyed the damages. Sink full of dishes, Oceana's breakfast toast crumbled across the floor, all her toys out, and a mound of laundry. I put out the laundry, got dressed, and went to work. I figured I'd get more done if I didn't have to look at the mess all day. Oceana did pretty good for the day, except that I forgot her snacks, lunch, and diapers. So we did the diaper-patch with a paper towel after an accident and she scammed a bit of lunch off everyone else.

So we're doing better now... house is better, I did some work. Oceana fell asleep 20 minutes before dinner. Of course... She did eat dinner after a lot of tears and whining, and was up late because of home group. But she went to bed without a wimper, so I think we're all good.


I was doing some stuff for a friend's baby shower and while I was looking for something I spotted my hospital records from the day of Joshua's birth. I've read it before, but I wanted to remember the day again.

It was good. Until the end. When I read this again,

"Consensus of family, myself, and obstetric team for baby not to have any active management other than feeding as able and comfort cares."

I'm so glad we didn't listen to that.

Tomorrow Joshua would have been 134 days old.

Tomorrow Joshua will have been gone 67 days.


  1. Many hugs.

    You did right by that baby boy of yours. You did VERY right.


  2. I will pray for you all day tomorrow, Susie; I promise. I will hug you close to my heart, and pray you feel that God is doing the very same thing.

    Much love, precious mother.

  3. Oh, and also... don't let Satan get at you... he's worked it so that you are going into tomorrow already exhausted... be careful, dear heart. Put on the full armour, guard your heart. Try and start your day with quiet time... even though you won't want to. Stay plugged into Him dearest... even if you have an angry-at-God day.

  4. Susie - just want you to know that while you're counting the days one by one, I'm appreciating the days with my son more because of you and your willingness to share your life with us.

    Thank you,

  5. Sounds like a kind of rough day. It makes my heart hurt to to read the number of days Joshua has been gone. I always wonder - how can it have been that long?

    I'm praying for you, Susie.


  6. I don't recall reading this before, but do you take Oceana with you to work every day? If yes, then you should consider leaving some diapers at your workplace so if ever you forget to take with you, you will have there waiting for you. :)

  7. Susie-

    My heart hurts for you, reading how long Joshua has been gone. It doesn't feel like it's been that long! I wish he was still here with you. He was a beautiful baby...those cheeks, so smoochable! Such long, beautiful fingers!

    Still praying for you and your family - as a previous poster said, gaurd your heart - you were and are a perfect mom for Joshua - hang in there.

    J. in OH

  8. I've been thinking about Joshua all day today. Praying for you today. . .
    ~Deborah from Babyfit