Thursday, March 27, 2008

Just a quick word

I have way too much to do, but this has been on my heart:

There's been more than one comment about the "exceptions" regarding early inductions and terminations. But I just wanted to say that I'm not making any judgments on people or on personal scenarios.
I won't give specifics, but one of my friends had an ectoptic pregnancy that ruptured her fallopian tube. There IS NO recovery of an ectoptic pregnancy. I used to think "The doctors can just rearrange the baby so it's ok. But that's not the case. You can't transplant an embryo once it implants in the fallopian tube. And eventually the fallopian tube WILL rupture. It was by the grace of God that she was in the hospital when it ruptured because she needed to be rushed into surgery. It could have killed her.
Another scenario that scares me is the syndrome/disease (?) that causes a baby's bones to break while still in utero. They are in pain and constantly experiencing new breaks.

I don't know how I would approach these situations for sure. I'm just saying what we did and why we did it for Joshua.

And for the records: Having a child with a defect is scary to think about, but it is NOT the end of the world. Having a child with Down Syndrome used to be the worst case scenario in my book. No more. I would have welcomed Down Syndrome - any day - over a occipital encephalocele. You can live with Down Syndrome. You can have quality of life. Special life. But Quality and Quantity none-the-less. That is not to say that termination should be gauged by "quality" or "quantity". Just that we need to remember that a child that is not "all there" doesn't mean the end of our social lives or financial stability or sanity.

Have a think about it.


  1. Susie-

    I came across your blog (and I can't even remember how) several weeks ago. I live in the US (Alaska) and I've been praying for your family during what must be an incredibly rough time.

    I'm going to keep praying...and I want you to know that I think the decision you made was a brave one.


  2. I'm sorry if I offended you at all, dear... I was just thinking on the way home from dropping the kids off at school that I should clarify in case someone got hurt at me "condemning" them for their ectopic pregnancy (Which I don't because I know there is nothing you can do for it, like you said) Feel free to e-yell at me if you like :)

  3. Just a quick word from your last post - it's worth it all. I had my Mary Grace for 7 hours and after she left us to be with Jesus I held her sweet body and slept with her that night. I would do it all over again and losing her was losing her no matter how much or little time she was with me.
    I am praying for you Susie and am continuing to "check in " on you and your family. You guys are a blessing.
    With love,

  4. Nicely put, Susie. You've not judged at all and we all know that there are things we've never heard of that we can't imagine making decisions about unless facing them. I am so thankful to have God's guidance in my life to help me through situations that are too big for me alone to make decisions about. I'm so thankful that you have strong faith, too, to help you. You are already taking solace in the fact that you will be with Joshua again. What comfort we have in this knowledge!

    When I was in my early twenties, I made the commitment to get back to church. I was over my teen thing about "my relationship with God is between He and I" and realized I needed to be doing what He asked of me.

    When I met with the bishop (pastor) for the first time, he said something that has stuck with me all these years. He said this:

    "Imagine you are about to become a licensed driver for the first time. What would you do if you were driving down the road and saw a ball come bouncing into the street in front of your car? Of course, you'd realize that a child was probably playing with that ball and, being a child, might run right into the road after it. So, knowing this, you automatically slow and prepare to stop in case you need to do so.

    Other aspects in life are the same. If you want to practice the laws of God, prepare now for how you would handle different situations."

  5. My brother has cerebral palsy. Now, at age 46, he is a cornerstone in our lives. As a child growing up with him (there is just the two of us kids) I did my share of "educating" people who didn't know how to act around a handicapped person. When God blesses your family with a special needs child, it is HARD, physically, emotionally, financially. But it is a blessing above all blessings.

    Still praying for your comfort.

    Karen in TN

  6. Amen.

    Just as Joshua was created in God's image, and it was God's will that he be the way he was, so each child is created in God's image. Who are we to decide on 'quality of life' to end that image?

  7. Susie, How old are you again? 22. Oh my heck, you amaze me. I don't even know you but your attitude, and your insight make me wish so very much that I could meet you in person one day. Stong & Courageous is the absolute perfect name for your blog because you are just that. Thank you so much for sharing your innermost feelings, blogs that are real are the ones I like best. By the way... I am Sheila in Nevada, in the good ole USA. I am so jealous that you live in New Zealand. I have a friend here that grew up there, she misses her family a lot. Have a day full of sunshine...because you have brought sunshine to me. I am so thankful for 'blogland' Chances are I wouldn't have ever known you otherwise. Thank you!

  8. well said and eloquently put. And your grasp on it all has deep, love filled perspective.

  9. I feel every child should have the right to life.. Just because they have a problem doesnt mean they dont have a soul.. I a few weeks ago had an ectopic pregnancy and had to make the choice to end the pregnancy and even though I knew if I didnt it would probably kill me it was the hardest choice I have had to make.. I have lost several pregnancies and each one i believe is with God. Joshua may have had some problems but look how he has touched so many people all over the world. Thank you for your choice to bring him into the world. It does make you think and he was meant to be. We of course have all been given the right to choose what we do with our life and for some they have made their choices but how many pregnancies have there been where people have expected problems and the babies have come out to be just perfect.. Joshua's life should make all of us think about life...How precious it is and specail the time is that we all have here on earth together. Susie keep up the great work.. Your blogs are wonderful and strong..

  10. Susie, You and Matt are amazing. I know that "Be Strong & Courageous" is for Joshua, but it also pertains to you. Your decision was a good one. You had 67 glorious days with your son. (1,608 hours) And he was loved. He IS loved. And you have touched the world with your blog. There will always be people who make negative comments. Some without even realizing that they are. But they were not there with you. They did not have to make the decisions you had to. I, for one, thank you for sharing your lives with all of us. God Bless all four of you.
    Jan from Texas