I have discovered, over the last week, that I often let my children control me. Eek! In fact, when someone I greatly appreciate and respect pointed out to me that I had said [several times in an hour] that "but the girls won't let me do that"...I got extremely defensive. On the inside I was making excuses, and explaining why that wasn't the case at all.
But then I thought about it. And it's true. I often take the easier road, because I don't like tears, whining, and complaining. I want happy children.
But eversomuchmore than happy-in-the-moment children, I want to have intelligent, patient, caring, self-controlled, wise, loving, sacrificial children with impeccable integrity and character.
So with that in mind, I'm changing the way I treat my children. I'm changing my reactions. I'm especially changing my tendency to react, rather than to respond. To stop saying in frustration "Stop it Oceana! Leave me alone!", and say calmly, "Oceana, we don't do that in our house. This is your one warning before Time Out."
Last night I chose to follow a different method of CIO [Cry It Out] with Naomi and I finally won. My former method was to let her cry for 30 minutes and if she wasn't calming down at that point, I'd go upstairs and get her [Yeah, me and my white knuckles from 30 minutes of crying].
A friend recommended a different way, one that had worked for her [now 20 month old] son. Plunket [NZ Well Child Nurses] had suggested going up every 20 minutes, laying baby back down [she sits up now and cries, which makes this take longer!], cover them back up, but not to have any eye contact and not to talk. [Very Supernanny-esque, actually]. So I did that. I went up at 7:50 and 8:10, with no changes. Naomi cried for an hour. But she went to sleep on her own. I knew she was safe. She knew I was still there, which made me more comfortable with letting her cry for longer than normal. And she didn't get as hysterical as she does other times. Hopefully this will only take a few days of this hard-yards part.
So that's what's happening over here, among other things, I'm changing my attitude, my reactions, and hopefully that will also change the result.