Oceana at 9 months
Family picture
Hanging out with Mummy
Family kisses.
Mother's Day. It's kool. But it's painful. Joshua would have been 4 months old last Wednesday - 17 weeks old tomorrow. But he's not. Instead I had to say yesterday, "My son died 8 weeks ago".
Michelle [A South African bloglander] sent me an e-card that quoted 1 Corinthians 13:13 which says, "Now, let these three things remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." And it struck me that they all sound like "flowery" things. Faith, hope, and love - niceties. But they're not. They are what you CLING to when life sucks. When you don't know why you son died - you have to have FAITH that God knew what he was doing, that God had a plan for you son, that God accomplished your son's purposes in the short time he had. You have to have HOPE that God is real, that eternity with God IS something to be grasped, and that your son is with the Heavenly Father, without pain. And LOVE. You've got to have love. You have to have love to survive the day. Because, even though you're missing your son so much, and so glad you still have your daughter, your fuse is so short. You have to have love with your husband - when you realize all over again that he's not going through this journey the same way you are, and when your daughter has a fit because she doesn't realize how upset Mummy is, or when people mean well, but tell you "Well it's a good thing you still have Oceana".
Faith - Hope - and Love are to be clung to. Not doled out with a blank stare. They are vital. They keep you alive.
Mothers. You are amazing. Even when [and I'm the first on the list] the laundry piles up, the clothes are long past dirty - but still getting pulled out of the dirty clothes to be worn, the floor's a mess, the baby has egg stuck in her hair for 4 days (yahhhhh... she needs a bath!), and when you scream at your kid - because you're fried and they stepped out of line at the wrong moment. Even when the phone rings and you answer in "polite voice" as opposed to the scream you were in the middle of. Even when you put off going to the doctor. Even when you reuse the diaper that's not realllllly that bad. Even when you don't want to be a mother. Even when you look back 5 or 10 or 20 years and wish your life was simpler, quieter, easier, ....
It's a "calling" isn't it. Not just a "happening". Not all of us chose the road when we found it. But we're on it now. And it's one of those "eternity-rides" isn't it?
Happy Mother's Day Ladies. You deserve to be congratulated, even when you don't think you do.
Happy Mothers Day susie! I hope that through the pain you can see what an amazing mother you are to Oceana and Joshua. Not were but ARE! Sister love!
ReplyDeleteAshley
I'm glad you understood it!!
ReplyDelete;)
Happy Mother's Day sweetie! I know I'm feeling a little blue over Joshua myself. I've sent you a little something from a recommendation from Kara in Ohio...I got on the Graham Webb site looking for that gel and low and behold they ship internationally! I hope you receive it...said up to 2-3 weeks...and it works for you. You need something for yourself...and keep it away from Oceana, even though she may think she needs it :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day!!!
ReplyDeleteFaith, Hope, and Love... funny how three things that sound so fluffy are stronger than big strong words like Doubt, Rage, and Hate. God's great that way :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day, Susie. You're doing right by both of your babies.
ReplyDeleteWe love you.
Rebecca
Happy Mother's Day, beautiful Susie! Much love xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHappy Mothers day to one of the most wonderful and bravest Mummies I have ever 'met'.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today.
xxxx
Happy Mother's Day Susie!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it's tough sometimes to be a mom - the great thing is that there are lots of people out here in blogland who are praying for you, and can pray for specific needs if we know what they are. Joshua was one lucky boy to have a mommy who loves him SO much.
Happy Mother's Day, Susie! My prayers are with you as you go through this day. I easily imagine Joshue looking down on you and smiling and feeling so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI like that...being a mom is a "calling"...well said! Happy Mothers Day Susie!
ReplyDeleteHappy mothers day, Beloved. I thought of you especially.
ReplyDeleteYour list hit rather incredibly close to home *wink*
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! You are a fantastic woman Susie!
ReplyDeleteHappy Mothers Day to a beautiful mummy of two precious children. I hope you're being spoiled today. You most certainly deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI love that line where you said not all of us chose the road when we found it. I've never heard it put like that, but I like it. So glad I found the road I'm on!
Happy Mother's Day I know it was probably one of the hardest since Joshua's passed. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and remembering Joshua.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Tarah
A little late, its still Mother's Day here on the east coast. Thinking of you on Mother's Day. Hugs from my family to yours today.
ReplyDeleteStay strong and courageous!
Happy Mother's Day Susie...you are a precious Mother of TWO!
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day Susie! I have been thinking of you today as I too celebrated with joy and with tears! Love and prayers!
ReplyDeleteKristy
Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteSusie,
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for you for months now since a friend told me about your blog. I never posted before, just prayed.
And yesterday the final song we sang during our church service (the first time we've ever sung it at church) was "How Can I Keep From Singing."
I knew the Lord was telling me to lift you up in prayer on Mother's Day, although I had no idea if it was still Mother's Day in New Zealand. =) (I have a friend who lives in Australia and I can never remember the time difference.)
What a year you have had. What an unbelievable Wife and Mom you are. You have such an authentic Christian witness... because you are just sharing your daily life with so many.
May God bless you,
Jill in CA