Monday, November 5, 2007

If only you knew...

I guess I should clarify that when I posted "I'm small, I hope I look small" I wasn't wildly searching for compliments. Haha. But I believe that I have the right to jump up and down and yell and scream since I'm not as big as last time. I won't compare weights, because it's just not kool with me to post my weight anywhere but a January Mommy's web thread - but I will say this! I weigh about 16 kilos (31 lbs) less than I did at delivery with Oceana. With Oceana I porked - oh my gosh I porked - and it took me a whole year to get back to within 7 lbs of where I started. And I got pregnant just about as soon as I hit that mark. Oh well. :) But I promised myself there was no way I would ever let myself get that big again. After we found out about Joshua my weight started going haywire again, and I worried that I would get that big again. But finally my weight has slowed down. And my belly's just not as big this time around. Thank goodness. I just think that for peace of mind, I cannot deal with Joshua's health problems and being a good 30lbs over the recommended weight gain for someone my size. I know people say "Just eat, you're feeding baby!" or "It doesn't matter, you're little, you'll lose it!" or "You lost it last time, you can do it again!" But let tell you - I hated.... hated.... hated myself when I was done being pregnant. When you leave the hospital and you've only lost 13 lbs - which isn't even a 1/4 of what you've gained - you about dissolve into puddles of tears!
So, with all that said - I'm littler this time around, and I'm happy with that.
Here's what's funny though - people said I looked little with Oceana. If only they knew.... If only they knew....

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