Be Strong and Courageous

Trucks, trains, dirt, and noise

2012-01-07T09:56:00.004-05:00

Oh how I wish for trucks, trains, dirt, and noise.

Joshua, it's your 4th birthday today.

You would have been fully of energy, loud, rough and tumble. Everything your cousin Evan is. Evan will be four in just 6 weeks. Every time I look at him, I realize what we lost. I miss you every time I hold him in my arms. Evan is loud. He wants to wrestle. He wants to jump off everything, and hit most everything with a stick. But he has a beautiful soft side that comes out when he's tired and missing his mommy. Almost every week when he's here at our house, he sheds a few tears at bedtime because he wants Mommy.

Joshua, I want you; I want you like Evan wants Mommy.

Last night we read Heaven Is For Real, the kid's version. It was your birthday present from your Auntie Christina & Uncle Bryce. Oceana, Naomi, and Evan sat with me in the girls' room and we read about your new home. A place where the angel Gabriel is as tall as a giant and he has a big, flaming sword. We read about how people in Heaven know their family when they get there. I thought about your two siblings, I think they were brothers, who joined you there with Jesus last year. I'm glad you three are together. We read about the animals in Heaven, andabout how much God loves children. We're glad you are well.

But we miss you sweetie. We miss you every day. Our family will always have a missing piece. Even though there's a new little baby coming to join our family this year, she won't replace you. There will always be a space for a fun-loving little boy right between Oceana and Naomi. A place that you will always belong, but never be physically.

We miss you and we love you.

Watch for your blue balloons today... Nana, Baboo, Uncle Drew, and Auntie Cate sent you one yesterday. There are more coming this afternoon.

Christmas Day

2011-12-27T09:56:00.002-05:00

Our little girls gave us until just around 8am to sleep. Thanks to a late Christmas Eve service.

They really loved their new sleeping bags Momma made.

Naomi is over the moon with her new Rapunzel doll.

Oceana loved everything she opened. Especially the "cowgirl" clothes (hat, shirt, bandana, and boots) that she asked for.

But one gift we weren't counting on, was this new cast. Just about bedtime (Ok, 15 minutes past bedtime, I was running behind), Naomi tumbled down at entire flight of (thankfully carpeted) stairs. I looked up when I heard the tumbling, just in time to see her in a full upside down cartwheel about halfway down the stairs. :( My poor baby broke both bones in her lower arm (radius and ulna) with at least one, maybe two buckle fractures. I understood it was 1 buckle, 1 greenstick, but then at the ortho yesterday it sounded like she had 2 buckles. Irrelevant really, she has a broken arm. She has to wear a sling for at least 2 weeks, and the cast for 4. The sling attaches to that D-ring they plastered right in with the fiberglass. Thank you Mr. Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon for knowing that if it's not attached to her cast and tied to her neck at all times, she won't be wearing it. :) (PS, the D-ring is in her mouth because she thinks it's a phone). Poor baby....

Naomi according to FB statuses

2011-12-15T07:38:00.003-05:00

‎"Naomi, get your bumbum off the table." "I not bumbum on da table. I have undies!" "It's still rude, even with undies."

Bye bye penny. We'll see you in a few days..... "Mommy! Da penny! In my mouff! It gone! Oww... I'm ok."

Naomi, while looking up at the Christmas tree: "Can we get more bingle bells?"

‎"Mom! Wook at me! I'm a pirate!" Ok diaper-wearing 2yo, whatever you say.

What *IS IT* about the hour before bedtime that makes my kids act absolutely bonkers? #mommysgoingtohaveanervousbreakdown

Naomi "Da wights! Da wights not on! (tree lights)" She runs over to plug them in and then says, "Dere, now it Kissmas!" That's right baby, it's not Christmas 'til the lights are on ;) She's so fun!

‎"Mom, can I wear boots to church?" "Uh, yah. Sure." ---- I've given up the "reasonable" clothing thing .... sweatpants, stained shirts, rain boots. Whatever....

Dear Sweet 2yo,
4:30am hurts, doesn't it? Let's try early to bed and not repeat the mistake.
Sincerely,
your frazzled mother.

Thanks pregnancy nose for saving my carpet: "Hmm... I smell nailpolish. WHY DO I SMELL NAILPOLISH!!??!" Foiled again Naomi....

So, in case you've missed it over the last 2+ years of reading about Naomi's antics .... she's a busy kid. In fact, words used (by others, including strangers) to describe her, include but are not limited to:

Spitfire

Fireball

Ball of energy

Handful

Something (As in: Ain't she something')

Full of energy

The boy (my father-in-law)

Life is never dull. Never. Ever.

I'm just a little worried about how Little Sister is going to do with her antics.... Time will tell.

Photo credit to Emily at ELFotography.

The wane in blogging

2011-12-02T07:36:00.002-05:00

In the past when I've neglected my blog, I'd run back and apologize. I'm sorry I left you! I'm really here still! Here are the reasons for my absence...

But the truth is I've lost some of my enjoyment of blogging. And the truth is that this is *Joshua's* blog. I feel strange when I post anything about my business, anything about sewing or things of that nature. And that's what fills my life right now, besides my girls.

I don't want this to become "The blog about her son that turned into her sewing blog". It just doesn't seem right. Continuing on with our family story, yes. But I want to blog about sewing, about aprons, about crafts. I don't because this is Joshua's place.

I started blogging here 4 years ago. I'm not saying I'm done. But I'll probably start to concentrate my efforts over at the sewing blog (bouncingblossom.blogspot.com). It feel bad putting things here.

That said, there's an update going up over there in just a minute. I hope, in the next little while, to start doing more fun things there. I still love you all. Check in occasionally - I'll post about the baby and my girls as I feel the need. Maybe just writing this post will take the pressure off? I don't know. We'll see what happens.

Etsy Sale

2011-11-28T07:53:00.003-05:00

I tried going out to Kohls and Bed, Bath, and Beyond at midnight on Black Friday, came home to sleep for 2 hours, and then went back out to KMart and Joann Fabrics at 5am. It took me 2 full days to recover. Of course, I don't recommend coming down with a stomach bug in the midst of it all.... Yeesh! At least shopping from your computer is less painful and doesn't waste your hours of sleep away. :)

I usually shy away from advertising for my Etsy shop here on Be Strong & Courageous. I'm working on creating a second blog - Bouncing Blossom Designs - but since there's not much traffic there yet (I think there's 2 followers just yet...) I thought I'd pop this info up here too.

I'm offering 20% off to blog readers & Facebook "Likers" (Facebook Page ) through tonight for Black Friday through Cyber Monday. I'll take the code down tonight, so this is your last day to snag something. Anything ready-made in the shop is 20% off. And if you order an apron today - either through the Facebook page or by email (~~bouncing blossom at gmail dot com~~) shipping is free. ($32 total).

Happy Shopping!

The Big Reveal

2011-11-10T22:20:00.002-05:00

Our little one is doing great. Healthy, with no defects, no issues. Nothing to report. The doctor (high risk, maternal fetal medicine) said, "We don't need to see you again." Awesome. Boring ultrasounds are GREAT.

The girls have something they'd like to show you.

Recently

2011-11-04T13:36:00.004-04:00

Has it really been almost 2 months since I've put any photos of the girls up here?

It's ok, you can yell at me.

Here's a few photos from recently.

I gave up trying to control Oceana's "matching style" for school - even if it means she went to school looking like this on more than one occasion.

Oceana's Sleeping Beauty dress. We don't "celebrate" Halloween - but we do create costumes and go to the harvest party. This year we also stood outside for the Halloween parade (and I willed Mr. Freddy Krueger to skip over my kids - thank goodness he did). They were *showered* in candy. And preggy-momma over here is not complaining one bit.

Naomi sporting a Christmas bow I sold. Yes, she has *both* fingers in her nose.

She's the more willing participant when I need a photo of a product for my shop. ;) And she's CUTE too!

An exercise in bravery

2011-11-02T21:39:00.002-04:00

I remember the first year Matt and I were married. It was an interesting year.

Matt worked 30 hours a week and went to school full time. He built stairs.

I worked 20 hours a week and went to school full time. I sold wedding gowns.

We had been married since July 9th and pregnant just weeks after.

To say life was "full" was just laughable. It was insane. I napped on my lunch break between chapel and class. An hour and a half break, minus my walking time to and from class, and I still had to eat something. Our one-bedroom-apartment was an exercise in "stacking" - cram packed with stuff! Oh my!

Matt kept reading Joshua chapter 1 and reading over and over "Be strong & courageous".

Then in 2008 he read it again "Be strong & courageous". And we named Joshua because of it. I named this blog because of his reading in Joshua, and because of our little guy.

And since then it's been a catch phrase in our house.

If any phrase were to describe the walk we've been on in the last 6 1/2 years - it would be that.

"Be strong & courageous".

You know what's interesting about those words? They were spoken to Joshua (the Bible Joshua) 7 times. Joshua needed reminding.

I need reminding.

It was hard and scary to be pregnant with Naomi, after losing Joshua.

It was even harder to be pregnant last year after having one miscarriage and losing Joshua.

This time around it has been especially hard to be pregnant. Not only have we lost Joshua and had two miscarriages, but I've had a rough time this time.

At 10 weeks the midwife couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. So we waited.

At 12 weeks she still couldn't find a heartbeat. I rushed to get an ultrasound that day and baby was fine. But I was sure everything was over - that I had lost the baby.

At 14 weeks I went in for a check up and had a pap smear. I had spotting that day (a Friday).

Then 5 days later (Tuesday) I started spotting again. I freaked out, told Matt to take Oceana to school, scooped up Naomi, threw on my shoes and drove to the ER.

The baby was fine.

At 15 weeks my spotting started again. I rushed off to the midwife again. Baby was fine.

At 16 weeks I started spotting again. I waiting this time - knowing this was just "my body". But it doesn't make me feel any better about it.

Now at 17 1/2 weeks I've had a break for the spotting and I'm hoping that has passed.

But it's SCARY. There's no way around it. It's one thing to worry about a miscarriage. It's entirely different to have had multiple losses and be pregnant again.

It's also hard to know what I do. I mentioned my paranoia to my midwife, "I have a lot of friends with children who have genetic disorders and diseases. It's scary to wait, knowing about things like Trisomy 13, 18, and Epidermolysis Bullosa." To which she looked at me strangely and said, "But you know that's really rare, right?"

All I could think was, "It's not rare when 3 of your friends have EB kids."

But you know what? One day at a time. One moment at a time. It's gonna be okay. We're gonna carry on. Strong. Courageous. Or trying to be, at least.

Not so long ago...

2011-10-15T22:25:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time I didn't understand.

Once upon a time I was ignorant to the sorrows of the world.

Once upon a time I had no idea.

When I was just 9-years-old a babysitter of mine, Rene died tragically while pregnant. She and her daughter were buried together. I remember looking at tiny Jessica in the casket, and being sad for her daddy and for her family. But I was 9. I couldn't completely grasp the situation.

When I was 11-years-old a family in my church announced they were expecting a baby. Her routine ultrasound showed she had anencephaly. She was born at 7 months and lived for 12 minutes. I went to her funeral with my parents and cried for this tiny little girl that died too soon.

But even though I had sympathy, I didn't understand.

Even while expecting Oceana and watching a classmate and his wife struggle with a high-risk pregnancy, I couldn't wrap my head around all that it meant. Gideon was born at 26 weeks and lived for just 6 weeks. I felt guilty still being pregnant.

And then came Joshua.

I was thrown into a world I did not understand. I joined a "club" I never wished to join.

Now I understand.

I understand the holes that pregnancy and infant loss creates.

I understand that those holes will never, nor should they be, filled.

Since losing Joshua, I've lost two pregnancies (August 2010 and December 2010).

Those are two more holes.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Will you remember with me?

The truth of the matter

2011-10-01T01:12:00.002-04:00

.... is that tonight instead of cleaning my kitchen and folding laundry, I pinned puffy sleeves on a bodice and watched a documentary on Netflix.

.... is that tonight I let my oldest stay up and play XBox360 golf with Daddy until ten minutes to ten.

.... is that tonight, for the first time in close to a month, bedtime was easy with Naomi.

.... is that tonight I talked with a friend on the phone for 2+ hours.

.... is that tonight I shared Joshua's story again. And again I was reminded how blessed I was in that Joshua was allowed to go home with me in the state he was. And again I was reminded that he was a miracle.

.... is that tonight I noticed the girls' fish is floating on its side at the top of the bowl. And now I am aware there will be a trip to the pet store tomorrow.

... is that tonight I stayed up far too late, filling my head with things to ponder, and accomplished nothing that I felt I "should".

.... is that I will go to bed with my dishes still in the sink and my laundry still unfolded.

.... is that I will attempt to ignore my mom-guilt. And sleep soundly. Because Naomi went to bed on time, so she won't sleep in 'til 8am anymore.

Das Bumpage

2011-09-27T08:27:00.003-04:00

Life's busy. I've got kidlets. And a business. And a messy house. And enough errands to drive me absolutely crazy.

And I've got a bump! A big bump. But it's not a big bump because there's two babies in there or because I'm 6 months pregnant. No, I'm just 12 weeks pregnant .... and 6th pregnancies show up like WA-BAM. Especially since I didn't shave off the excess 20lbs I gained in the last year....

What's that you say? I skated over my pregnancy announcement? Why, yes I did. ;)

I saw baby on the ultrasound last week and saw him/her move like a the little shimmying-shaking-Sams baby it is. Seriously, every time I got for an ultrasound my technician says (4 pregnancies that I've had ultrasounds when baby was alive) "Wow, this baby doesn't want to hold still! Such a mover!" Yep, 4x. It's a Sams kid.... And I probably won't get a calm kid this time either ;).

So very excited to meet this little one, who my friend nicknamed Jetta, after our car. She and her husband were praying for baby in its very (VERY, 4 weeks) early days and needed a name to use. So her husband named it after our car. LOL.

Why I love the thrift store

2011-09-21T10:05:00.003-04:00

Having two girls is great. Whenever I need a new size or season, I can find it. 2T sweatshirts? No problem. Size 8 shoes, no problem!

But when Oceana grows, we are stuck, stuck, stuck.

Maybe you have a cousin or close friend whose child is 1 year older than you, but not us. Oceana has one hand-me-down friend whose older but she's built like a piece of pipe and wears all slims and longs. Doesn't work on my average-sized 5 year old. :) We keep the shirts, *thanks Deb*, but the pants dont' really work for us at this point.

So when I pulled out the winter clothes last week as the temps finally dipped low enough for a sweatshirt and jeans, I realized Oceana had gone through another growth spurt. All her jeans from 5 months ago were not only too small, but about 3 inches too short. Wow, I guess she did grow!

Like many of you, the idea of running and buying a bunch of new clothes is not fun at all. But I thought I might try to thrift a bit and see if I could find "enough" to get her through til Christmas. Ha. "Enough".

My friend Christina and I took four of our five chilluns to the Goodwill Bargain Bin on Lincoln Hwy in Lancaster. If you don't like chaos and disorganization, this is not your place. But if you are willing to dig for a bargain, baby this is your spot. It works best in pairs. I watch for all the boys stuff, she watches for girls stuff. I watch for her size (which is certifiably tiny) and she watches for more "generous" proportions. Hello 20lbs from last year that I hate....

Two pairs of eyes plus a play area in the corner for kids. It's a cheap-o's dream come true!

Here's what we came away with. Plus a Christmas tree skirt, a white cardigan for me, a pair of brown leggings for Oceana, and ringer bearer's pillow for dress up that didn't go through the wash yet. For .... Wait for it..... $20. All of this. $0.85 for clothes, $1.00 for blankets/sheets/etc, $1.50 for shoes. $0.50 for stuff - toys, bags, knick knacks. It's amazing! Love it!

Tshirt, sweater, corduroy pants, snow pants, and a corduroy jumper.

Pumpkin, sequined top, fleece cape, turtleneck, swim shirt (for next year), turtleneck

Dance leotard, tunic/jumper, button down floral shirt, jeans, plaid jumper, turtleneck sweater

And leggings for Naomi, a new makeup bag for me, and a silver cardigan for me.

One of the things I love about this is, there are no stains (that we've seen yet), no rips, and there's brands I recognize! (Old Navy, Gymboree, etc).

2011-09-17T19:04:00.003-04:00

It's not that I don't love you over here at Be Strong & Courageous. I do. I just have so much on my plate right now that blogging has taken a back seat.

This is not to say that the *computer* has taken a backseat. Oh no. On the contrary. I have to make a concerted effort to get *away* from said computer every single day. And it's not all Facebook's fault. I said, "not all".

Here's a few things I've been working on lately:

And that's just this week! Oh my, yes, it's been a full-on week.

Besides all this, there's housework. And the fact that apparently my kids like to eat. Three times a day. Every day. And teaching Oceana to read. (Oh my, seriously, where did the last 5 years go?). We're in "Cat and Rat Sat on the Mat" territory over here. Oh you know, and Naomi and her antics. Oh my goodness that child.....

So, I still love you. And if life settles down a bit, I'll be back. In the meantime, you can find me on Bouncing Blossom Designs on Facebook, at bouncingblossom.etsy.com and watch for more photos here when I come up for air.

Saying goodbye when you're not prepared

2011-08-29T21:26:00.002-04:00

Sunday morning I got a phone call I did not expect. It was about 8am, I was dozing in front of Nick Jr, hoping my girls didn't destroy anything while I nodded off. Matt's phone was beside me on the windowsill and started to ring.

Matt's phone never rings on Sunday morning.

I picked it up and saw that it was my sister. And a sense of dread hit me. My sister Havalah lives in Phoenix. Which meant she was calling me at 5 in the morning. That could only mean one thing.

Something was wrong.

And I was right.

My paternal grandmother passed away suddenly from a pulmonary embolism (clot from the lung). We knew she was in the hospital dealing with an infection in her leg. But we had no idea it was so serious. It was completely unexpected. Perhaps not for everyone, but it was for me.

My grandmother - Doris Mears - was 78. She lived 9 years and 2 months without my grandfather Bob who went to be with the Lord in 2002. She leaves behind three children and their partners, twelve grandchildren and their partners, 5 great-grandchildren, several babies in utero, and several grand/great-grand babies are waiting to greet her in Heaven.

My most vivid memories of my grandmother are of her days caring for the elderly in her home. She and my grandfather did in-home care for the elderly. At every family gathering there were extra "greats" at the table. She worked from sun-up to sun-down caring for them. She loved them and treated them with respect. Many of them - like Margaret and Bill - became beloved members of our family because they spent so many years with us.

Love you G.G.

Joshua

2011-08-23T10:08:00.003-04:00

I was thinking about my precious boy yesterday. I looked at my stats and saw (as usual - every single day) that I had hits on Joshua's birth and promotion blog posts. I clicked into the comments of the promotion post and saw something that I did not process the day I read your comments.

Within 3 minutes of posting, there were comments. There were dozens of comments in the first hour.

I knew you all were praying. I knew you were waiting with us.

But I want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart for loving my boy with me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My brave girl

2011-08-22T14:46:00.002-04:00

Oceana went to the dentist for the first time last week. Yah, I know, she should have gone two years ago. Leave me alone. And it became apparent she had two small cavities.

So this morning she went in for her first two fillings. She was a nervous wreck. I may have helped that long - but I was trying to prepare her for what to expect (since she's usually the question queen). My neighbor did a better job of explaining it (without scaring the daylights out of her), and Daddy just said, "She'll be fine!" I've never had a filling. So in my case, fear of the unknown was sort of jumping off me and onto Oceana.

Oops, sorry kiddo.

Turned out they didn't need to do an injection. Since when do they do fillings without injections!??! And she didnt' flinched. Hopped in the chair, hugged her Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in my arm, and rocked on like a little rockstar. Wow, she did amazing!

Just goes to show me. I'm a scaredy cat. And my daughter's pretty amazing.

Bouncing Blossom Designs

2011-08-12T09:27:00.002-04:00

So, if you got here yesterday morning you may have seen a strange post about an anime costume .... and wondered why on earth I'd posted it. And you'll probably notice it's gone now.

That's because it wasn't supposed to be posted here, but rather posted on my Bouncing Blossom Designs blog.

My Etsy, alterations, and sewing business was not "really" online recently because I wasn't putting the right amount of time into it. But with this new school year comes a commitment on my part to build my business.

So, if you want to follow the blog, Facebook, or Twitter - there's all the appropriate links.

I've love to see you/hear from you. There's a series in the works over on the Bouncing Blossom Designs blog, as well as a few tutorials, some inspiration posts, and a bit of fun thrown in there too.

What if I jinx myself?

2011-08-06T09:12:00.003-04:00

If you've been here any length of time, you'll know I struggle to keep a tidy house. I'm not sure why it's so difficult for me. I think I get overwhelmed, tired, and don't know where to start. Then when it is clean I think I'm ok for a day or two.... and we're back at square one. Now, I have kids and I'm not delusional, thinking my home will be immaculate 24/7. We live here for Heaven's sake.

But the clutter was getting to me. I know I posted just a few weeks ago about how I felt overwhelmed constantly. Much of that feeling was from the house being in constant disarray.

I wish I'd followed through on an idea I had months ago. A book shelf. Seriously, a bookshelf has taken me from Home Catastrophe to "The best its ever been".

Tuesday afternoon I went to WalMart and bought this bookcase kit. Matt was working late, Oceana was at VBS down the street, and Naomi and I took it upon ourselves to put it together. Yah, she's not very helpful in that respect. But I did it! And it stands. It's even anchored to the wall.

A few collapsible fabric boxes from the Dollar Tree, and we're in business. My kitchen table (my official catch-all that is never cleaned off unless I have dumped the piles elsewhere) has been cleared for 4 days straight now! There's something about this act of clearing my table that has gotten me on the way to a straightened home! Wow!

My plan is to do this for 21 days - that magic habit-forming number. I hope it works!

In case it's interesting to you:

Shelf #1 - box of my stuff that I have to save, but doesn't have a particular home, box of Matt's gaming stuff (headset, controls, and games), and space for the laptop. We have never had a place to put it - which is really not safe, seeing as Naomi is my daughter ...

Shelf #2 - Manila folder of "to be filed" paperwork, box of kids DVDs, box of Oceana's "special stuff" (ie. that she doesn't want Naomi touching), and my box of coupons. ((grin))

Shelf #3 - My books, camera, Matt's magazines (in a covered cereal box), and the Kleenex boxes.

Shelf #4 - Coloring books, and Oceana's VBS stuff. The VBS stuff is still special, so it can stay there for the week, then I think it has to find another home.

Shelf #5 - Books we own, the few toys we allow down in the living room, and then library books on the opposite end.

Seriously, its made my life livable. I'm really excited about it. Now I just have to add all the other elements back into my life. Ha. One thing at a time....

A beautiful little girl named Aariana

2011-08-03T10:16:00.001-04:00

We (the girls and I) had the chance to stay with my college friend Angelica. Her daughter, who I've never met, is 4 and the spitting image of her beautiful Mama. I love that she looks like she knows more than I do in this picture. :)

Blue nose .... Oceana

2011-07-28T16:47:00.002-04:00

We went to Land of the Little Horses yesterday. They use a blue stamp for entry. And it spreads like a virus. Within a few minutes, Oceana had it on her nose. She wore it that way all day. :)

Fun Times at Blodgett Farm

2011-07-25T23:09:00.004-04:00

Mika (my adopted sister's adopted sister's daughter... got that? She's my niece....), Naomi, and Oceana checking out the chicken coop.

Jacob (Mel's son), Ben (Mel's nephew), Naomi, Oceana, and Mika (Mel's niece)
Ben. I remember the day this boy was born. I had just turned 15. Wow, time flies!

Jacob, Mika, and my mom at the chicken coop

One of the prettiest little girls I've ever seen. Mika Jade is a gem. Love this girl to pieces. She and Oceana roll along like they've known each other forever.

Melody and I met when we were 6 and 7 way long ago. We've been besties ever since. Mel has an adopted sister who is Laotian, and Mel's son Jacob is African-American. Because Mel and I have been friends for so long we've opted for calling each other sister, because it's too confusing to explain the in's and out's of a 19 year friendship. So by extension, her son Jacob is my nephew and her nieces and nephews are mine too.

I love that Oceana's cousins are black and Laotian. I love what a gorgeous combination they make when they play together. I especially love that they only notice once in a while and ask about their color-differences. "That's just the way God made you! And He gave you different colored eyes and hair! He made us all different!" I love our eclectic family

How?

2011-07-19T22:02:00.003-04:00

How is a woman supposed to

- do everything she's supposed to do

- keep the budget between fences

- get to all the appointments and meetings

- change all the clothes, wash them and return them to a location to be worn again

- keep the home clean enough to not drive her crazy (whatever that standard may be)

- change the diapers, do the toilet training, and wipe the butts

- keep the kids safe from predators, injuries, and relationship-ruining arguments

- train children to be upstanding and reliable, to love Jesus, and treat others kindly

And still have time for herself? How? It's not possible! I just cannot do it. In fact, I can't even get close! It's all I can do to get to the end of the day and not pass out on the couch. Every moment I sit down I feel guilty because my to do list is longer than my body.

I am so far stretched, I can barely think straight.

Healthy popsicles

2011-07-13T09:04:00.002-04:00

Yes, Pop-Ice is easy. But .... healthy? Yah, probably not. And I don't know about you, but handing my girls a Pop-Ice 30 minutes before bed kind of seems counter-productive.

When I was growing up my mom had a popsicle mold. She kept it pretty simple with juices - orange mostly. So when I saw a popsicle mold at K-Mart for $2.99 I grabbed it. I figured we'd just do juice popsicles instead of the long, skinny sugar-pops all summer.

But my imagination got the best of me.

Yes, we've done juice. We've also done some super-watered, nearly-sugarless Kool-Aid. Ugh. I hate having that in the house --- I need to get rid of it. We've also done lemonade.

But more recently we've tried:

Making extra smoothie in the morning and freezing what's left

Plain, non-fat yogurt (no complaints, surprising....)

Banana slices (a banana that had brown spots) with juice

Pineapple (from a can) pureed in the blender (yummo!)

Have you got some tried-and-true ideas? I hesitate to use up all our juice - that's stuff's expensive! And Kool-Aid is disturbingly cheap. So I need some good, inexpensive ideas in my repertoire so I can stay ahead of the sugar-comas. :)

Vacation and Diets are polar opposites

2011-07-07T23:45:00.001-04:00

Down 4.5lbs before Vacay....

Up 2.5 after Vacay....

Ew.

So, back on the band wagon I go. I fell off into a vat of ice cream.

If you don't like flabby skin, run away!

2011-06-27T01:12:00.004-04:00

So, back ---- waaaaaaaaay back ---- I promised I'd blog about my weight loss journey.

Ahem.

I'm sure you all took my silence to mean I was running marathons and just too busy to blog about it.

Right?

Yeah, I didn't think you'd buy that. Oh well.

So here's the truth. I tried for about a day. And I drank "enough" water - maybe twice.

About three weeks ago, I was mistaken for pregnant. That was a Sunday.

Monday morning I was on a diet. (The Carb Lover's Diet) I took the information, mish-mashed it a little bit, and as of Friday night I am/was down 4lbs. Progress!

And last Monday (ok, so it was Wednesday before I started) I joined up with a bunch of FB mommies who wanted to try about C25K. I did my 2nd run last night. (Yes, I'm behind a day, but that's just how I roll --- I'm about 6 weeks behind in my Beth Moore Bible Study homework...)

It was *about time* I blogged where I'm at. I actually feel that I look thinner than I did 2 weeks ago. Ok, I *know* I look thinner than 2 weeks ago. When I started about I seriously looked 5 months pregnant. Call it bloating, water retention, sagging muscles, lack of muscle tone --- whatever. I looked pregnant. And since my pants don't fit, it's a good thing I mailed my maternity wear off to my cousin Dorothy so I couldn't go grab them!

What's that? Stripes and plaid don't match? What do you want from me? It's 1am....

I normally (without effort previously) weighed about 120-125 lbs. Hate me if you will. I hate skinny me too. But since the beginning of my second pregnancy (mid-September '10) I've gained 25lbs. 25! In 9 months. That's sick.... I don't have a baby to show for all that. At first it was only about 15-18. And then I miscarried at Christmas, and it was cold, holiday foods, misery-loves-dessert .... and 144lbs bounced up at me like the jiggly half-cooked-baby bump did in the mirror.

140! Headed for 130. I could care less about the number anymore. I'm 26, I don't expect my body to look 19 again (and I bought my first bathing suit since then tonight... no wonder that size XS/2 didn't fit....). But I do expect my body to not look pregnant all the live-long-day. Because I'm not and I don't wish to be right now. So, for the first time --- in my entire life --- I am dieting and exercising. Do I feel great? Physically, no. I want to curl up on the sidewalk whenever I run. But psychologically, I'm proud of what I've accomplished.

So, here's to 130 and running 5kms!

Edited to add: The Carb Lover's Diet is not a low or no carb diet. I have no patience for diets that cut out major food groups. Carb Lover's Diet is written by (I think) Health Magazine editors. It's basically whole-foods living. The premise is that if you eat higher carb foods (good carbs, whole wheat bread, bananas, etc) you'll train your body to work harder at breaking down foods. For me this means cutting out a lot of processed breads --- but not completely. If I go onto a "deprivation" diet, I give up in a day or two. Just thought that it needed said.

MascaraGate

2011-06-25T19:33:00.001-04:00

I feel like I've seen this before.... Check out Oceana's Version of MascaraAndGelGate.

Fun times at the park

2011-06-24T01:59:00.002-04:00

Kiddie Kryptonite

2011-06-23T14:21:00.004-04:00

I have discovered my daughters' kryptonite!

A few weeks ago a friend of mine was talking about keeping her 2 year old in bed at night. Apparently Miss MayaBear likes to get out of bed. A lot. So her Momma took away her special teddy bear. When MayaBear got out again, away went the special blanket. Eventually it was MayBear in bed with just her normal blankets and plain pillow. *Horrors!*

Well I took the knowledge and filed it away. About a week ago I thought I'd try it out on Naomi. I told her Scout would have come with Mommy if she didn't stay in bed. When she didn't stay in bed, Scout had to spend the night in the hallway.

Both girls' attention I now ownnnn.

"Oceana, I will take away your pillow pet for a few days if you won't do XYZ".

"Naomi, be gentle with your toys, or Mommy will take away Scout until you can learn to be gentle."

Works every time! And it's not as hard to take away a toy as it is to say "You can't go to XYZ" (because that messes w/ my plans, not just theirs).

WOOHOOO!

Good books we've read lately

2011-06-20T15:24:00.002-04:00

Read alouds:

Make Way for Ducklings

Blueberries for Sal

Ellis Island

The Little House Series

(we are through the first 3, reading the 4th now)

The Dr Seuss books

(Current favorites: Naomi - The Foot Book, Oceana: Green Eggs & Ham)

The Complete Tales of Beatrix Potter

(Current favorites: Oceana - The Tom Kitten story where he gets cat-napped by the mice)

All Of A Kind Family

(This is one of my favorites from childhood, it's a whole series about a family of 5 Jewish girls living in NYC around the turn of the century)

My most recent book:

Heaven is for Real

My friend/sister Christina gave it to me for my birthday and after continuous nagging on her part (Iloveyouanyways...) I got through it. Fabulous read.

Also in the reading pile:

Crucial conversations

Homeschooling: Take a deep breath ---- you can do this!

The Carb Lover's Diet

The Power of a Praying Wife

Teaching Children

For The Children's Sake

Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

Words from a wise man

2011-06-10T14:05:00.002-04:00

My mom brought me a bunch of stuff she found in my grandmother's attic today. Some of the things were simply not being used - a dishpan, a laundry basket, a collection of old crystal. But then I found a ziplock bag full of old cards. I thought I'd have a look through since my best friend got married just 2 weeks ago and I had been hoping to find an old letter from our childhood to show her.

But instead, I found the last letter my paternal grandfather wrote to me in December of 2001. He passed away in June of 2002. He died from complications after he had surgery to remove a brain tumor. The letter was in response to my request for information about our family. I was specifically interested in our Christian heritage - I believe I was writing a paper for a homeschool assignment.

"Mears Family Heritage for Susie:

Dear Susie:

You asked me to write something about the Mears family Christian heritage. So I'll go back to the beginning and tell my story. It's important to our family because my conversion was important to the Christian heritage of the Mears family.

For the first twenty-one years of my life I wasn't interested in spiritual things. I remember deciding that if God existed, it didn't make any practical difference. So I lived pretty much as if He didn't exist. When I was in college I decided that He did not in fact exist, that religion was a trick used by the ruling classes to keep the rebellious masses in line and submissive to authority. In other words, religious people were hypocrites, putting on an act they didn't really believe.

I was never satisfied with hypocrisy, that is, putting on a moral and religious front ot give the appearance that one was a proper person. I decided that if there was no God, there wasn't any point in pretending that there was one. My attitude was expressed in these words, 'Let's be honest about our unbelief and be consistent'.

As I think about it, that passion for consistency is probably the key to understanding me. Some people couldn't care less about being consistent. They could believe one thing and live another and it didn't matter. To me, it mattered. I started out trying to be a consistent unbeliever. I found out it wasn't possible. I made myself miserable trying. I thought it would be easy to be a doubter and a skeptic. I discovered it wasn't easy at all. In fact, it wasn't possible. I discovered such a profound and terrifying emptiness that I ran away from unbelief as one would run away from a four alarm fire. Unbelief was a nightmare from which I desperately wanted to awake.

That is literally true. One night I awoke with a terrifying dream. It was a dream within a dream. I was watching a terrible accident. A streetcar exploded in front of my eyes. (A streetcar runs on rails like a train, but it runs on city streets like a bus. When I was growing up in Cleveland, Ohio, both streetcars and buses ran on the city streets). My dream was vivid, a recurring dream, a terrifying dream. I tried to awake, even dreamed that I was waking up so that I didn't' have to see it any more. It came to me a couple time when Iw as in my teen yers and then one final time when I was twenty-one. When I woke up the last time the fear remained and I couldn't escape from it.

The fear drove me to make changes in my life. And as my life began to change I began to make contact with God. Little by little He revealed himself to me and I began to learn how to love God and serve him. Jesus attracted me by his kindness and love and drove me away from evil by fear. I n time I learned how to live at peace with God, trusting in his mercy and walking in obedience to his will. He taught me to live according to the Golden Rule. It's called "Golden" because it's a perfect rule. It's simple. All you have to do is treat other people the way you would want to be treated. And it works in any situation.

So that's my story, Susie. There's a lot to it, but basically, it's just a matter of believe in God and learning how to obey Him. I learned it the hard way, I guess, and I'm not through learning. But God is a good and patient teacher.

The Lord bless you and keep you.

Love Baboo"

I live in a world where ....

2011-06-01T09:26:00.005-04:00

.... "Get off the table!" isn't odd at all.

.... "Get a towel, please," is heard at least once a day.

... "This is the last show. And if you complain when I turn it off, there's no TV tomorrow," is the weapon of choice.

... "Push the green button and call Daddy. You can ask him," is my cop-out mechanism.

... "No! No! Mud does NOT belong on the porch in front of the back door!" gets shrieked. Skip rationality. There were mud pies in front of my door.

... "Do not pass go! Do not pass $200! Go to the tub! Don't touch the walls!" was the calmest I was yesterday afternoon.

... "What do you want? I don't know what you're saying. Say it again? I still don't understand honey, I'm sorry. Do you want this? This? This one? This?" is our guessing game.

... "I know it's wet Sweetie. Turn your cup right-side-up and that won't happen." is the smartest thing I've said this morning.

What about you?

2011-06-01T00:25:00.004-04:00

Hey Be Strong & Courageous readers, allow me to introduce my friend Kristin! She's a pretty awesome chick - she's an elementary school teacher in NYC and she's an avid runner. Kristin's got an awesome opportunity, and she's reached out to me and a friend, hoping to reach a larger audience through blogging.

Dear Friend,

I want to share exciting news: I’m running the 2011 ING New York City Marathon!

Although running a marathon is an incredible goal, I have an even greater goal to accomplish. I am running with Team World Vision, dedicating my race to finding sponsors for 26 children living in poverty. In light of the challenging marathon training schedule, I know that training with this purpose in mind will keep me going. Would you be interested in joining me by sponsoring a child, providing them with opportunities that they are severely lacking?

As a child sponsor, you will be connected with one special child who will know your name, write to you and feel your support every day. The cost of sponsoring a child is $35 a month, about $1 a day. Your monthly sponsorship gift will provide a child with necessities such as:

· Clean water

· Nutritious food

· Health care

· Educational opportunities

· Spiritual nurture

My husband and I recently became child sponsors to a 3^rd grade girl in Uganda named Prisko. Through World Vision, we are able to send her letters and emails, letting her know that someone in America cares about her life and well being.

Will you consider supporting me by becoming a child sponsor through World Vision? You can sign up to make a tax-deductible donation one of two ways:

Speak with me and I will be able to connect you with a child to sponsor.
Visit my webpage to sign up online by emailig me for the website address link: kristinannm@gmail.com

Your donation will make a significant difference: it will impact the lives of children around the world AND encourage me to make it to the finish line!

Thank you for your generosity,

Kristin Miller

PS: You can learn a lot more about Team World Vision at www.teamworldvision.org.

You can follow THIS link to the donate page at World Vision to do it all online.

Am I the only one ...

2011-05-22T21:35:00.005-04:00

... who gets Facebook status updates I didn't put up?!

(((And just in case anyone misses the sarcasm, I know it was the kids' fault.))) ;)

A picture is worth a thousand words

2011-05-17T10:45:00.002-04:00

Maybe this picture doesn't mean a lot to you.

But it means so much to me! We rent a three-story duplex; the girls have the finished attic as their bedroom and toy room. I spend the majority of my day on the first floor, and because the girls love me (and I'm not complaining about that) they spend the majority of their day down here. It had come to the point that they were not playing with their toys in a day - zero time spent in their room - because they won't play without me in the room. If I'm on the 2nd floor putting away laundry or cleaning the bathroom, they insist on standing there as I do.

I love my girls. But they needed to learn to play. And play without me directing every moment.

I've been thinking about utilizing out screened-in porch as a play room for a while now. But today I finally went to work.

And it worked.

What do you say when you have nothing to say?

2011-05-16T02:10:00.002-04:00

Well, if I have nothing to say, but I start typing, the outcome is either excellent. Or sad.

I have a feeling this is a sad one. But you can keep reading if you like.

Truth be told: I'm stressed out.

I'm not sleeping well - mostly because I keep falling asleep putting kids to bed (or getting them BACK to sleep again) and then waking up at 10 at night with a burst of energy. 2am rolls around - like it is right now (2:11am Monday) and I'm just now getting tired.

I'm overwhelmed by my house. I told my sister tonight, "I'm at the point where I walk from one room to the next and get more overwhelmed with each room because each is more cluttered than the last!"

Naomi is a firecracker. For real. If you knew her in NZ, just multiply it by like 5 ... she's a live wire! And if you know her here in the US, well then you know a bit of what I'm talking about. I could chase her all day long and she'd still find trouble. I say stuff like, "Get your toothbrush out of the toilet!" and "No you may not stand on me!" and "Get in bed for the 500th time!" all day long. There is nothing she will not climb. Nothing she will not touch. Nothing she will not ask for. She has dumped 4 or 5 bottles of spice on my carpet/couch and 2 bottles of vanilla. Yes, I lock my pantry - but sometimes it gets left open by Oceana or by me when I'm cooking - and next thing I know my couch smells like oregano, or my carpet is faintly orange from the seasoned salt.

Oceana is a drama queen. DR.AH.MA. This is a portion of my day I wish not to discuss. Ay yi yi!

I love my life. I really do! Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I'm just overwhelmed. And I've been trying to find balance in my life and get myself organized and and and and....

Instead, I just get more stressed out and more overwhelmed.

So, for now I think I'll get some sleep and hope that Naomi's 2-year-molars stay hushed for the night .... tomorrow is a new day.

It must be said

2011-05-08T17:02:00.004-04:00

Written on Mother's Day 2011:

Mother's Day isn't always joyous.

It isn't always restful.

It isn't always a good day.

Sometimes it is.

But other times ....

My first Mother's Day I held my 4 week old baby in my arms.

My 2nd Mother's Day I held my 13 month old daughter in my arms, and I had just found out I was expecting Joshua.

My 3rd Mother's Day I held my 25 month old daughter in my arms and tried not to sob hysterically because my son was in Heaven.

My 4th Mother's Day I held my 4 week old daughter in my arms and rejoiced that she was ok. My 3 year old bounced around and had to be chased. And I still missed my should-have-been 1-year-old son.

My 5th Mother's Day I frantically chased my 1 year old and my 4 year old. And I missed my 2-year-old son.

My 6th Mother's Day I cuddled grumpy children in church (2 years and 5 years) and thought of three little boys that weren't there with me.

Today in church I was reminded how devastating Mother's Day can be.

This morning I was reminded that I had no baby in my arms (because I was due in March with my the baby I lost in August '10).

This morning I was reminded that I had no baby in my belly (because I was due June 12th).

I am so grateful for the girls I have with me.

But being the mother of 2 is just not the same when you feel you should be chasing 5 kids.

It will never be the same. There will always be a hole.

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T23:53:00.004-04:00

(((32 weeks with Naomi)))

Oceana Faith

April 11, 2006

7lbs 11.5oz

Joshua Matthew

January 8, 2008

6lbs 8oz

Promoted to Heaven March 15, 2008

Naomi Aroha

April 10, 2009

8lbs 2oz

D. J. S.

Miscarriage at 7 weeks

August 8, 2010

C. I. S.

Miscarriage at 15 weeks

December 24, 2010

Five precious children. Some I hold. Some I do not.

They all made me a mother.

Baltimore Aquarium

2011-05-05T07:53:00.000-04:00

Resurrection Sunday [Easter]

2011-04-24T14:10:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter from the Sams Family --- or as we occasionally say "Matt and the girls" :)

I was thinking, this morning, about my Facebook status (as I often do.... whether that's sad or not). I wanted to post about Easter/Resurrection Sunday, but I wasn't sure how to sum it up without saying something that has already been said.

I wanted to find something that summed up what I know to be true.... but a status update doesn't really do that all justice.

Here's what I've learned in my years of homeschooling (with Bible as a specified subject), being the daughter of a pastor, going to Bible school for 3 years, and being in ministry in a variety of capacities:

God always has been. It's a difficult idea for our minds to grasp, because we understand everything to have a beginning and an ending.

So God has always been, and then he creates the world. He puts forth time, space, day, night, vegetation, water, the planets, animals, and finally he creates Adam.

He makes Adam from clay/dirt/mud (we are God's PlayDo project, just sayin') and then he BREATHES life into him.

I have to skip over a lot here - but the basic gist is: God creates humans and places them in this perfect place - an earthly Heaven, if you will. He says you can eat anything here, do anything here, just don't touch this one tree. They walk with God in this perfect garden - like literally he came to the garden and the took walks together. But being in very nature toddlers, we (as humans) wanted what we were not allowed and ate the fruit. So now God's got to remove these imperfect humans from his perfect garden. So he does. Problem is that now God can't take those walks with us because we're outside that garden.

God makes a way though. He provides this ancient sacrifice system. When they sin they must make a sacrifice to pay for their wrongdoing. The penalty for sins (in God's perfect eyes) is death. (Sin: making the wrong choice, putting us further and further from him and his perfect garden and the relationship we could have together). This is how they existed, for well over 2000 years, sin - sacrifice, start again. This sacrifice brings us back to this opportunity to have the relationship with God again.

But it's an imperfect system because it has to be done over and over and over for every single person.

So God sets forth the perfect way by sending his Son Jesus. Jesus Christ comes to earth, grows up in earth, lives on earth in a human capacity with lowly origins (the son of a craftsman, not a king). But he's God. And he's a man. Again - hard human concept. I like to think of it like this: You can be a mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a grandmother, a nanny --- it doesn't mean you're different people, it just means you can be any and all of those at any one time.

Jesus Christ was the sacrifice for the sins of everyone. Ever. He died on a cross, having done nothing wrong [he lived a sinless life], and his death makes the way for us to be back in that garden relationship. Because our sins have been paid for we can know God in that walk-in-the-garden way again. Jesus made a one-time-sacrifice. It never has to happen again.

The only prerequisite for Jesus sacrifice for you is this: You have to accept it. If I give you a present, but you never open in, it's yours and it's not. Same thing with Jesus Christ's sacrifice - if you don't accept it, then you haven't actually opened the gift that's been given to you.

And the reason we celebrate Resurrection Sunday/Easter is because Jesus Christ was raised to live - he came back to life after 3 days in the grave. Instead of worshipping someone who is dead and cannot do anything for us, we serve and believe in Jesus Christ who gave up his life for us, but was raised back to live. He is a living God. Not a "once upon a time" God.

All this, to tell you that my Facebook status said,

"Without the resurrection of Christ, we are simply another religion with a dead prophet. Instead we have a risen Savior who conquers death."

So I'll leave you with that to mull over. I'd love to hear from you if any of that doesn't make sense or if you have more questions. I can't promise it's easy to understand... I wrote it laying on my sewing room floor while I ignored my housework...

Learning New Things

2011-04-19T15:57:00.002-04:00

I never stop learning new things.

This week, for example, I learned:

Coupons are good.

--- And so are the designated blogs that chase down sales and their matching coupon links. :)

I cannot have a child sleep in my bed, cough repeatedly in your face, and manage to not absorb their germs. Thankyouverymuch Oceana.

Beads fit perfectly in small noses. Apparently you can "CPR" them out.

Last week I was forced to take Oceana upstairs to have a timeout, during a beading project (her beading). I left Naomi downstairs for all of 2 minutes. When I came back down, Na had climbed up in Oceana's seat to look at the beads. Then she turns to me and says "Ow!" and points toward her nose. A quick look displays a wooden, blue bead up her right nostril. A Facebook question and a few google searches left me with only two options - The doctor's office or the CPR trick.

Since Matt was at work, with the car and the carseats over 30 minutes away, I thought that I may as well try the CPR trick first. I am CPR trained, so I know that small lungs are delicate. For that reason, I blew GENTLY. I plugged the unaffected side, blew in her mouth twice and then reached up to see if it had done anything. I slide my finger down the side of her nose, and the bead plopped out. I think the blowing moved it just enough that pushing it became possible. (Pushing it before had only made Naomi cry and pull away).

So there, you go.... I'm still learning new things.

TREAT

2011-04-13T11:35:00.002-04:00

My kids think I served them ice cream for lunch.

Little do they realize....

1 cup of plain yogurt

2 handfuls [cups?] of frozen strawberries

2 frozen bananas cut in 2" chunks

A splash of milk.

It took the highest setting on my blender, as well as some stopping and starting to push the chunks down toward the blade. The consistency is like soft-serve ice cream.

And they are none-the-wiser. Kiddos, you just ate plain yogurt and old brown bananas.

The Horror!

Let's just keep that part between you and me.

You know... in case you care

2011-04-12T23:39:00.003-04:00

Monday I managed my water intake! I like I was close to 40+ ounces of "permissable" liquids. Apparently coffee CAN count toward half of your liquid intake. Well, that's encouraging!

Today - well today was a little harder. But I'm back at it tomorrow.

Now, let's not be fooled. I'm trying to maintain what I can. Water intake. Eating not-so-hideously. Exercising isn't going so smoothly.

Today I threw back a big smoothie (frozen strawberries, frozen banana, plain yogurt and a splash of milk). Then I froze because it was an enormous smoothie and it wasn't 89* again today. More like raining and 50. Bleck. Sun, if you're listening, please come back. And Rain - you better not have drowned my freshly-planted lettuce seed. Hear me!?!??

Back to exercise. It's hard for me. Like I've said before, Matt's gone a lot so my gym membership is sort of being neglected right now. But! I did figure out that it's been close to 6 months since Oceana's ridden her bike. She's faster and stronger now! She can keep up with me at a reasonable pace, and didn't complain once that she was "too tired" to get home (usually after a block or two %@*#%!). Now I'm on a mission to find a flatter place for her to ride (so I don't have to push her up curbs and broken sidewalk every 2 minutes). As the weather gets better (April Showers, sorry 12 days is enough, LEAVE!) I think we'll make it a routine to get outside every day for a walk. :)

I'm trying to make a *lot* of lifestyle changes right now - so I don't want to try and change everything in one day and then fail miserably. One thing at a time.

Water tomorrow. A good walk as soon as it's stops pouring. (((dirty look at the sky!))) Another smoothie for breakfast. :) And a clean house (among other lifestyle changes **wink wink**).

Happy Birthday Oshee

2011-04-11T18:59:00.002-04:00

Getting ready to go to Princess Dreams on Ice (make up and a Snow White costume, and getting her hair curled!)

5 years old.

OH. EM. GEE.

Where did the time go? I mean, besides midnight feedings, and time outs, and potty training, and letter-learning, and shoe-searching, and laundry. Oh the laundry.

5!!! It's like the first major threshold in numbers. I'm still in shock. School!? No more preschooler?!?!

Wow. Have I really been a mom for 5 years?

I love you Oceana Faith!

Happy Birthday to Nay Nay

2011-04-10T08:08:00.002-04:00

4+ months old at Auntie Havalah's wedding in September 2009

Wearing Miss Shannon's sunglasses at 23 months

Helping me make playdough just last weekend

Nay Nay - you are a handful. I leave you alone sometimes to play, and I always regret it. You have an impressive ability to get into everything. In fact, JUST THIS WEEK you have used both peanut butter and yogurt as spa treatments (rubbing it into every inch). What I thought I knew about little girls went out the window when we met you. You keep up with the busiest of your little boy friends .... and somehow you're still a cuddly, baby-loving, dress-wearing, pretty girl who wants "tie!" (hair ties) and pretty shoes. :)

Who knows what the future will bring.

Happy Birthday Naomi Aroha (our pleasant and delightful love) - name meanings).

Do you have an "I don't know what to do with this crap" pile?

2011-04-08T22:24:00.001-04:00

Yah. Me neither.

Water: 16oz and hopefully another 16oz before bed. 32 is not half my body weight....

So let's call today a fail in the water department. Since *apparently* coffee doesn't count as water....

Today's goal

2011-04-08T07:51:00.004-04:00

Water consumption.

Anyone else not much for water drinking?

I'm the one that gets pregnant (not now!) and immediately thinks, "Uh oh, I'm supposed to be drinking over 100oz of water."

I'm lucky if I drink 2 cups a day. Really. I'm that bad at it. That's when I'm pregnant.

Imagine how bad I am when I don't have an itty-bitty person to think of.

I'm bad at the water drinking.

So today's plan --- little steps at a time. Drinking my water. I think the general rule of thumb is divide your body weight by 2 and drink that many ounces. Eeesh.... I think I better fill up my water bottle now....

Good morning, from ME!

2011-04-01T10:21:00.002-04:00

Ok - so I said I was going to tame the tummy, get in shape, lose the pounds.

I am.

I'm just not ready to take pictures of myself or post any specifics.

But I am thinking about it. And I am doing something.

It's dreary and disgusting around here right now, so walking won't be happening. But I am promising myself to do *something* today. Whether that's crunches during TV or an aerobics thing on TV (I'm sure they have those, right? I've never looked...)

The food: I am weak. :) Just being honest here. The good news is that the Cookies & Cream ice cream is gone, all that's left is the black raspberry (which I hate) so I won't be tempted in THAT arena. The chips - which usually don't tempt me - got the better of me last night.

But taking Mrs. Stethoscope's advice, I wrote down everything I ate one day (meant to the next day, but I can still tell you what I ate). I'll tell you what, writing down everything you eat makes you stop eating everything in sight. You just don't want to write anything else down after a while. Especially if you can see a pattern of snacking needlessly after a good meal.

Some food discoveries I've made:

I need to start buying 1% milk again (skim grosses me out, but 1% I can handle). I was buying 2% or whole --- that needs to stop! It's just not necessary.

If you throw your black bananas in the freezer, you can cut them in chunks, peel them, and add them to your smoothies. :) I don't have room in the freezer for ice (and no ice machine). So this worked for my "need something cold and chunky" ingredient. It also helps me get through the half a dozen tired bananas that have been thrown in (wedged in) the freezer.

Smoothie: blueberries, strawberries, frozen banana, and plain yogurt. Yummy!

Wheat toast. Not my favorite. But this morning one piece of wheat toast and a piece of string cheese got me full. I guarantee a slice of Wonder bread can't do that.

I'm fighting the urge to bake. The fact that I haven't done my dishes today (and that we literally ran out of spoons this morning....) is helping me stop myself. :)

So, just letting you know what's going on here. As always, your helpful comments are appreciated. I read them, other read them - share away :).

Oh boy, here we go

2011-03-29T10:58:00.002-04:00

So here's the deal:

I was pregnant for 8 weeks in July and August 2010. I was then pregnant for some of September, October, November, and most of December 2010 to 15 weeks. I also moved twice in that time, rediscovered all my favorite American foods, and lived under a tremendous amount of stress (Matt had no consistent work until February '11). After the 2nd miscarriage, I decided I had already gained weight, so "who cares?" and ate what I wanted to.

So all the weight I gained during my 2nd pregnancy, has stayed put. I was still so early with the first I hadn't gained much, if any. But all 15 that I gained in those first 15 weeks of the 2nd pregnancy - those aren't going anywhere.

And while I'm still on the "small" side of normal - I don't fit in my clothes and *I* know I gained 15lbs. *I* don't like the way I look. *I* stand in front of the mirror and think, "That muffin top wasn't always that big,... was it?" (((It wasn't))).

S0 here's the truth.

*I've gone up at least a pant size, sometimes 2 depending on the brand.

*My tummy refuses to hide - I watch peoples' gazes. Some people think I'm pregnant again because the tummy won't go away.

*My girdle is worn every Sunday, just to keep things looking "smooth". But the truth is I wear 2-3 layers every day to try and disguise my stomach. I got caught out one day, a friend asked, "How many layers ARE you wearing?" It was a nice day and I had on 4 layers to try and disguise myself....

*I've never been on a diet (or a healthy living challenge, nothing of the sort). I have always relied on my metabolism to help me out.

*My metabolism seems to have forsaken me. I have always lost all my baby weight within 9 months of birth, with a steady decrease throughout.

*As my best friend said, "Ha! Welcome to the real world Hunni!" (She has to work out 2hrs a day to maintain her weight).

*I have a Planet Fitness membership. But they have no childcare, it's 15 minutes away, and Matt works about 12hrs a day. I don't see him much, so I try to stay here when he's awake. But I don't have the energy to go work out at 10pm. I've done it a few times. But after I recently was so tired on the treadmill that I started losing my footing, I decided I'd need to try something different.

*Oceana is headed for Guiness Book of World Records "slowest walker" ever. Getting out with the kids and pushing a stroller doesn't do much because I spend (literally) the entire time telling Oceana to catch up. She's too dramatic for her own good (note to self: look at getting her into a drama group/class).

And here's the plan:

I'll be documenting (complete with pictures, **sob**) my weight loss and toning travels.

"Taming the Muffin Top: One Mom's Journey to find her Abs"

Eesh. Pictures to come. OMG.

2011-03-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

Heard in my house:

"Mommy, can I have a pickle?"

"Yes, you may."

"Mommy, can I have [whipped] cream on it?"

"Wait. On what?" [Sure that I'm misunderstanding] "On the pickle?!!"

"Yah!"

"Honey, that will not taste good. That will be gross."

"No!! But Mommy, it will be great!"

****

At the library - to another mom:

"I'm 4! I don't drink beer or wine!"

(((The was the sound of my Good Mommy Certificate being ripped to shreds)))

I could not get out of there fast enough.

****

What amazing things have your kids said recently?

Helpful hints

2011-03-23T15:13:00.003-04:00

When we moved back to Pennsylvania, we were given a really nice, solid wood table that seats six. The previous owners (Matt's aunt and uncle) had purchased a piece of glass to go over the top of it. They had cats and wanted to be sure the top of the table wouldn't get scratched by them.

But the problem with glass tops on wooden tables is .... the mess gets under the glass, despite my efforts to keep them above! So instead of just wiping (or scrubbing, depending on the meal and the child) the table, sometimes I have to lift the glass and clean the underside of the glass as well as the top of the table. ((sigh)) I don't know about you, but that's like 3x the necessary table-scrubbing!

So today at Joann Fabrics I spied the vinyl table coverings and got 2 yards (@ $3.99/yd). But I had a 50% off 1 cut of fabric coupon (it was in the Sunday paper, but it also comes in the mail directly to your home if you are on their mailing list). So for just under $4 I have a piece a piece of my mind left ;).

Just FYI - I guessed at the 2 yards part, but it over hangs by about 4 inches on every side. I wouldn't want a lot more, because it would hit peoples legs when they sit down.

ETA: In the comments: Hey Susie, love this idea, my girlfriend does this and sometimes has a tablecloth under it or puts art work of the kiddos or maps (she homeschools) and school paper, memory work under it so it is visible for a week or so then switches em up. --- I love this idea! I'm going to have to do that!

2011-03-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

This hat is up for auction at HOPE FOR ANTON. The starting bid is $7 - normally priced at $20. I don't have the ability to put in the money I'd like to give right now. But I can make things! So here's just the first of many items I hope to give towards the HOPE FOR ANTON auctions! :)

Feeling bad for my landlord

2011-03-22T08:56:00.005-04:00

I do! Really! Our duplex rental has been an issue every month since we moved in.

In November it was the kitchen faucet constantly leaking.

In December there were squirrels getting into a hole in the attic and abiding in our walls.

In January it was the bathroom faucet constantly leaking.

In February it was the seals on the toilet leaking.

In March ... I've already mentioned the pitbull that comes into our yard because the fence doesn't fully enclose our yard. It's getting into our covered porch. It dragged my stroller out into the yard! He's a friendly enough dog - but he's not used to kids, and he's HUGE! The landlord is supposed to be getting a gate up and talking to the borough about the dog.

And now our water heater is leaking water all over the floor. (((sigh))).

If this were my house I'd be angry! Really glad I'm not! And also... WHAT IS UP WITH THE EXCESS WATER?!?!?! It's almost all water leak issues.

***Update*** The newish water heater is dead. New one arriving this afternoon.

You should know...

2011-03-19T08:48:00.002-04:00

That I love to sew.

Currently on the sewing machine: Naomi's Easter dress. $3 fabric from Wal-Mart. Bought on a whim because there were coordinating purple fabrics on the $3 rack! :) Going for coordinating purples this year, rather than matchy-matchy. Using THIS pattern, and doing the cap sleeves.

Currently in the mend pile: A pair of Naomi's leggings that have sprouted a hole in the crotch. My sister-in-law's cropped cardigan. She was going to throw it out because it has a hole. (((wink))) We can fix that!

Currently on the "I want to sew that in my free time" pile: A grape vine fabric mantel cover for a friend who has a grape vine obsession. Thinking something like THIS fabric, using a pattern she gave to me (she says she'll never get around to sewing it herself).

Currently in the "Must be sewn before Easter" pile: Silver satin to make THIS dress. For me ;). the tank version with ruffles. Let it be written in history: Susie, high-school hater of all this prissy, girly, ruffly, or pink - now wears pink and intends to wear ruffles.

Currently on the list of things to do: No sewing! Must clean house!

Home Day

2011-03-16T17:57:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there LIVED a little boy name Joshua Matthew. He was a sweet and kind boy. He was quiet and gentle; never causing a ruckus.

This little boy lived a full life, in a beautiful land full of trees and surrounded by beautiful oceans.

He was loved by all. Everyone knew his little face, wherever he went.

He was an amazing little thing, he did things no one thought he could.

And then one day he went Home, and was seen no more in that far away land.

But the wonderful thing, my dear friends, is that he LIVED.

Joshua Matthew Sams

7 January 2008 - 15 March 2008

_______________________________

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there LIVED a beautiful little boy named Anton.

He was a sweet and kind boy. He was quiet and gentle; and (((most of the time))) didn't cause a ruckus.

This little boy lived a life, in a hospital, far away from his family.

He was loved by many. Throughout the kingdom, and far beyond, people knew his little face, though he never left his hospital.

He was an amazing little thing, he did things no one thought he could.

And one day he will come home, and be seen no more in that far away land.

One day soon, he will come home to his FAMILY, who love him more than words can say.

The wonderful thing, my dear friends, is that he LIVES.

Anton [soon to be] Delgado

16 January 2010

Anton shares a birthday with his ((soon to be)) virtual twin brother Judah.

Reminder!

2011-03-14T07:57:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to let you know the Pampered Chef Party has been extended through Tuesday evening. Please make sure you stop in and have a look. Your orders will be processed after the party has closed!

Check Christy's shop out HERE!

The Television Revamp

2011-03-10T21:13:00.003-05:00

Matt and I got a chance to go to a Family Life marriage conference a few weeks ago. It was a great weekend. I was really challenged during the women-only session --- a large portion of it was about mothering. I knew our television-reliance was getting bad, and I decided it was time to change!

Because our plan is to homeschool Oceana - beginning this fall when she'll be in Kindergarten (Waahhhhhh! Wasn't I just peeing on a stick yesterday?!?!) - I decided TV before noon is a bad idea.

My plan of attack has always been "Let them watch TV in the morning when I'm not a nice person". But the problem is, the TV use went into a tail-spin and before we knew it, the TV was just staying on. o_O Ak!

So we're cutting down.

No TV before noon.

TV is primarily for during Naomi's naptime. This kills two bird with one stone. It's after lunchtime, and Naomi doesn't watch as much.

The secondary time is when I'm trying to get dinner ready and on the table.

I'm making a big effort to change the way we run our days around here.

And last of all --- TV is a privilege, not a right.

We're working on it!

Just thought I'd just hold myself accountable. :) And maybe inspire some of you to cut some of the TV-time at your house?

Pampered Chef

2011-03-09T10:58:00.005-05:00

I'm sure you've heard of Pampered Chef? Pretty awesome, super quality stuff, right? I caught up with my friend Christy, who's a PC consultant. And we worked out a plan to run an online-only Pampered Chef party.

Pastry cutter with a big handle? Yes please! I hate pastry cutting with knives. It stinks.
I have little girls who like tea parties! I would L.O.V.E. this high tea platter. How cute is it!? And covered in purple teacup cupcakes for their birthday? Perfect!
I've got the adjustable teaspoons and tablespoons. I like not having (what seems) 300 different sized teaspoons to sort through every time I bake!
Birthdays on the horizon! No decorating tips in my possession.... *drool*

Did I mention birthday season? Yah, I think I did. Ok, just want to be sure you heard me!

I think this thing is awesome! Have you ever seen a can opener like it? It opens cans without leaving a sharp edge! I'm sure I'm not the only one; I get so worried about tin cans that have been opened! I try to get my recycling out quickly, but sometimes the tin cans sit out for a day before they get outside. The sharp edges! Eesh! But this thing (??) pressed the tin can together and I guess the force makes it open where it was originally pushed together? No sharp edges. I used one when I was a nanny. Loved it!
I saw this one and thought. MUST. HAVE. NOW. It's a clip. With the scoops attached! No way! Am I the only one that hates this little wire "closers" on coffee bags? I think they pop off the bag more often than they stay on, then I'm trying to hold the wire, fold the bag, twist the edges in. Grrr! Much easier. And a designated coffee spoon is my style. I definitely will use the tablespoon side though. ;)

Again, a love item! I used one of these in my former babysitting days - I think it was over a decade ago. So easy! And no sharp knives! :)
Um, if I own this, I think I'll have to make cheesecake once a week. That can't be a good thing. That won't stop me though!

This falls into my need category! My knives have no proper home right now. Drawers and a basket of utensils on the shelf. It's a sad life for them. They deserve a nice home. :)

I have to admit, I've never had the chance to get to a Pampered Chef cooking party, but from the sounds of it, it must be awesome (and YUMMY!) :)

But here's your chance to snag Pampered Chef gear from your home. No babysitter needed!

So head over HERE and just pop my name in as host! It all gets shipped straight to you!

Hope you find something you like!

Guest Posting

2011-03-07T14:28:00.001-05:00

No way! I was published elsewhere? ;) Well, she is a close friend, I don't know if it counts. But either way I got to post over HERE today!

Recently

2011-03-03T18:19:00.003-05:00

I saw a crocus on my lawn. Ak! Spring may be on its way!

My girls get wound up about 30 minutes before bedtime. What on earth is that about? Just about the time I'm ready to pack it in and give up, they amp up!

I say things like "STaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhp!!!!!!" And yes, I do hold it out that long. And yes, it does sound completely exasperated!

I have so few normal female cycles ((yah, those female cycles)) that I did not recognize the bloating last week for what it was. Instead I spent a ridiculous amount of time worrying about not fitting in my jeans.

We went to 4 different stops the other day, at lunch time and naptime, and had no meltdowns or fits. I returned with my sanity and most of what I intended to pick up. Mark it in history. It probably won't happen again. :)

I've spent some time sewing in the last few days. We're headed to a baby shower this afternoon --- so of course how could I *buy* something when I have flannel still lying around from Black Friday when it was $2/yard? Burp cloths are easy to throw together and evidently so are baby shoes. :) I'll definitely be making more baby shoes in the future. I'm happy to share my original pattern for burp cloths, if there's interest?

I had a spaz day yesterday. I thought Matt told me he was taking the car to work. Our car gets parked out behind our landlord's business. I can't see it from the house or the backyard (unless I walk to the very far side and look down the pathway). So I spent the day feeling cooped up and stranded. Around 7pm, Matt called to say he was on his way home and mentioned he was driving his boss' truck. It was only then that I realized I'd had the car all day! Gah!

Hazelnut coffee. Just sayin'. :) We're good friends.

I'm not the only one, right? I made cupcakes almost 2 weeks ago and they're not gone yet. But they don't really taste good anymore. They're dry and they weren't very good anyways (they were the dud batch, I made a 2nd batch for Evan's birthday party). I don't want to throw them out and "waste" them. But I don't really want to eat them either. I'd much rather make something new. This is the dilemma I've been having all week. Sad that I dwell on this particular subject, isn't it?

Speaking of baking, I wanted to make pumpkin spice muffins or pumpkin spice cupcakes ---- something on that line. *Opening google to look for recipes....*

So, you know, that's a bit of what's going on here. When I drum up a little creativity I'll blog something better ;)

Christchurch

2011-02-28T15:12:00.004-05:00

Unless you've never been to this blog, you'll know we lived in New Zealand for 4 1/2 years (2006-2010). While I've never had the opportunity to visit Christchurch beyond a little puddle-jump stop at their airport, I know its a beautiful city full of beautiful people.

Last Tuesday Christchurch was hit by a 6.3 earthquake. It was shallow (close to the surface) and very close to the central business district (NZ's way of saying downtown). So far the death toll is at 154, with 200 still missing in the rubble. Maybe that seems small to you - but in a country of 4 million people, it's too much.

Have you ever heard of the 6 degrees of separation?

"Six degrees of separation (also referred to as the "Human Web") refers to the idea that everyone is on average approximately six steps away from any other person on Earth, so that a chain of, "a friend of a friend" statements can be made, on average, to connect any two people in six steps or fewer" (wikipedia.com).

In theory you are only 6 friends of a friend away from any other person on earth.

Well the saying is "2 degrees of separation". It's a bit of a joke. But most every time you meet someone, you know someone they know. It's awesome. Except when 154 people die and 200 more are missing. It's going to hit way too close to home.

I've been watching the news on tvnz.co.nz and tv3.co.nz as well as reading at stuff.co.nz --- watching and waiting like everyone else at home. Today there will be a 2 minute silence at 12:51pm (Tuesday afternoon there, it's at 6:51pm tonight EST). I need to set the timer so that I remember to follow it. It's really sad to be here, and have nothing I can do except pray and read.

18,000 college and university students have volunteered for the cleanup. It makes me proud of the NZ youth. Check out what they are accomplishing in Christchurch, just because a guy thought he'd invite a few mates to help him clear the liquefaction (silt and sewerage caused by the quake) in the streets. 18,000 young people later .... Check out the UC Student Volunteer Army on Facebook.

If you were looking for a place to give:

Red Cross New Zealand

Salvation Army New Zealand (I'm not sure about Red Cross, but Salvation Army takes Paypal)

are both great places to give.

This one just caught my eye.

What Now is a kid's TV program. And they've start an Adopt-A-Family program, and 100% of funds go to the families in need.

It's what's on my heart today. It's what's consuming me at the moment.

Just being real here.

16 bean soup

2011-02-25T09:30:00.003-05:00

I love soup. And I especially love bean soups. I'm sure I'm not the only one though, who struggles with using dry beans. I know that in "theory" they are easy to use. It's that whole, soaking them overnight and having them not taste like little rocks thing that makes it difficult for me.

At about $1.00 for a pound of beans though, it's pretty tempting to find a way to use them up. Am I right? Currently we are receiving WIC - which if you haven't done before means you get beans (canned or dry) every week or two. It makes no sense to me to get a can of beans (16oz) when I can get a bag of beans (16oz) that will multiply!

WIC (at least in our area) is now giving fresh fruit and veges as well, so the only things in here that weren't a WIC food were the $1.25 package of italian sausage (bought from a discount store), a dash (or 3) of garlic salt, can of tomato sauce, and the chicken bullion cubes.

So here's how I made our 16 bean soup after perusing a few different recipes online. :)

Soak beans overnight. I remembered around noon the day before and decided to let them soak for nearly 24 hours. I think this served me well. It meant that I didn't forget to do it after dinner when I was brain-dead from a long day. Around bedtime I realized that the water was almost all soaked in, so I added more. Make sure the water always covers the beans. You can always drain off the water, extra won't hurt.

The next morning drained the beans. Then I chopped celery (I would have added onion, but we were out), and added bit of garlic salt.

And I added 2 boullion cubes. Pour in six cups of water and bring to a boil for about an hour. Then let it simmer until the beans are soft. I was surprised, it did not take all day long. I thought it would. It's one of the reasons I don't make beans more often because I thought they were a "have to be home all day to cook it" food. Not so. And the great thing about soup, you can start it at 8am over breakfast and then turn it off for the day until just before dinner.

After the beans were soft, I added a can of tomato sauce and some (fried) italian sausage.

Seriously, this soup was delicious! And there's still half of it left, in the freezer! :)

But may I recommend Beano. ;)

So, in summary:

1 lb bag of 16 bean GOYA soup mix

Water to soak

2 T garlic salt

2 stalks celery, diced

2 carrots, sliced

2 chicken boullion cubes

1 can (16oz) tomato sauce

1 lb italian sausage

Soak, boil, simmer.

The EPIC snowman

2011-02-23T19:53:00.004-05:00

My neighbor's son (11) came to our door after we built this to ask us about our snowman.

"How did you make that snowman! That is .... like .... EPIC!"

Thanks kid. I always wanted to build an EPIC snowman.

I hope your vocabulary expands before college.

Chuck

2011-02-23T00:40:00.004-05:00

Chuck (that's Grampa's nickname for Evan Charles) is the girl's only cousin on Daddy's side of the family. He's such a handsome little boy! Right? It was his birthday on Sunday. He's just 6 weeks younger than Joshua. I love watching him grow up. It's like I have a built-in Joshua-meter. "This is what Joshua would be doing. This the size I would be buying. These are the toys we would have."

Which of course, is a little off. Evan's got to be one of the tallest 3-year-olds I've ever met!

Here's a few pictures from his bowling birthday party. The girls had a great time, and the cupcakes were yummy! (After a midnight baking project! I was in charge of cupcakes and the first batch bombed. It was midnight before the second batch were done.

(Here's the recipe I used. The second recipe!)

Bouncing Blossom Designs

2011-02-21T13:57:00.006-05:00

I made a few changes over at my Etsy store. The number one change is the removal of tutus from the store. My tutus weren't quite right. And to say that the tutu market is oversaturated in Etsy would be an understatement. Add to that, I've had tutu listings on Etsy for over a year and never sold a single one (on Etsy, I have sold them privately), it wasn't worth it.

The second change was the header on the store. The new one is above. The old one only had tutus on it. I've changed from Bouncing Blossom Tutus to Bouncing Blossom Designs. I had done that with my business card last fall, since I was making non-tutu items. So the header "matches" ---- sort of.

Forgive the finger in the way. :) You don't need to know my address. :) Buy something from the Etsy shop and the business card comes with it. Easiest stalker job ever....

Over Halloween and Christmas I had a few custom orders from Etsy --- ok, more than a few. I thought I was going to die; I was so overwhelmed. I took off a few weeks during the holidays, between the miscarriage, and already having Christmas presents to make, and a private project I was working on. There was no extra time to revamp the shop.

So now I'm revamping. It's a slow move. As I make things, they'll get listed. And I'll be sure to point your attention that way if there's something really cool ;). Here's a few new items.

I love the hat Ezra is wearing. Hasn't he grown?!?! Love that little guy! He was kind enough to model this green jester hat (it's officially a pigtail hat, but on a boy it becomes a jester hat **wink wink**).

And you already got a look at Naomi in this *pigtail* hat. :) She's pretty cooperative these days modelling hats. Oh wait, sorry, I meant, UNcooperative. :) "Naomi! Naomi! Naomi! Look at Momma! Look at Momma! No! No Na, don't take it off! Just look at Momma. Real quick! Almost done! Ok! Ok! Look Look! Smile!" I guarantee you that "photo shoots" with Naomi last less than a minute. What I get is what I get. There are no 2nd chances. ;)

Oh what a difference a day makes

2011-02-19T08:14:00.003-05:00

I'm really loving this hair style. I did underestimate how quickly it would be "shaggy" though. Imagine that - I have barely any hair and I think it's shaggy. ((haha)). But it's true! What I could make my hair do 3 weeks ago doesn't work as well now. It's still a learning curve.

I don't think I'll ever get sick of 30 second shampooing. And while I do *have* to style it (from wet) every day, popping my head in the bathroom sink takes less than 30 seconds, and the blowdrying, product application, and overall primping, takes less time than my curly hair took when it was long!

Still no make up though. Meh. I have blonde eyelashes. If I don't wear mascara, I look like I'm tired or have been crying. No crying here, though the tired thing could certainly apply...

Bad things to do with short hair

2011-02-18T10:03:00.002-05:00

Ew ew ew. The hair, the face, the no-makeup, the two sweatshirts, the I'm-posing-for-my-four-year-old passport sized photos. :) Haha, just keeping it real. I was trying out the curly side of my hair yesterday. And as Matt said, "Uh, curly doesn't work with that hair."

No. No it doesn't. Live and learn ;)

I got me a cutie-pa'tootie

2011-02-17T21:07:00.003-05:00

Love's Long Journey

2011-02-15T08:01:00.005-05:00

Ever read that book?

Love's Long Journey is part of the Love Comes Softly series by Janette Oke

(some of my favorite reading material growing up, and now).

I think it's a very good name for our last 6 years.

We first saw each other in February '03 during a college visit.

We were aware of each other freshman year, but never spent time together ('03-'04).

Then, thanks to a water fight that turned epic, we "noticed" each other (Fall '04).

By January '05 we were dating.

March '05, engaged.

And July 9, 2005 we were married.

Here's a few things that have happened along the way.

We were married on a very hot day in July.

We thought out honeymoon would be a cute cottage getaway by a lake.

It was a fishing cabin by a smelly lake.

We had a beautiful baby girl 9 months and 2 days (oh yes, I was counting) after that.

Oceana Faith was 7lbs, 11oz.

We had no idea what we were doing.

She's not broken, despite our ignorance.

We graduated from Elim Bible Institute 3 weeks later.

We wrote papers, took exams, and worked, and barely slept during that time.

We moved 5 weeks after that --- to New Zealand.

We meant to be there for 3 months and finish our internship, required to completely our school requirements.

We didn't leave for over 4 years.

We did everything from property maintenance, to picking rhubarb, to event coordination, to DTS staffing, to mission team organization, and a whole lot of other things.

Joshua Matthew made his debut January 7, 2008 and changed our lives forever.

6lbs 8oz.

We still had no idea what we were doing.

But he helped up navigate his 67 days.

We learned things we never wished to learn.

We joined a "club" we had no interested in joining.

We held our promoted son in our arms and said goodbye.

We planned a funeral for our baby.

We tried to keep life normal for Oceana, even though we felt like we were rotting inside.

We've been on some dates.

We've celebrated birthdays.

Naomi Aroha was born in our living room ((on purpose)) April 10, 2009.

She weight 8lbs 2oz.

She had reflux.

We didn't think it was reflux.

Our sleepless nights and puke-stained carpet said otherwise.

For a variety of reasons

((including, but not limited to sleeplessness, necessary energy boosts,

meetings, relaxing, and the fact that we love the taste))

drank more than our fair share of coffee.

((We --- ahem, or just Matt --- don't like our picture being taken)).

We had some fun.

We played and created and lived.

We lost a baby in August 2010 at 7 weeks.

We moved back to the USA.

It feels like "Home".

So does New Zealand.

We will always be torn, no matter where we live.

We lost another precious baby at 15 weeks.

We became disillusioned.

We still do not understand why we've lost 3 of our 5 children.

This road has been the hardest.

There were many good moments.

It's a journey with bumps and pot holes that I couldn't wish on our worst enemies.

But we've survived.

I love you Matti. HVD.

How I see things

2011-02-12T13:45:00.002-05:00

My Family from WiddlyTinks.com

Opposites attract

2011-02-12T12:21:00.003-05:00

I was working on something for Matt yesterday and discovered I had set his tool bag down next to my new purse. ((Side note: $5.84 for a purse! Thankyouverymuch Target clearance!)) I thought it was funny --- the drastic difference between the two bags. :)

Matt bought this leather tool belt a month ago, but had issues with one large pocket because it didn't have the right compartments. ((Funny, that sounds like a diaper bag --- "There's no place for wipes! Diapers! Pacifiers! Extra clothes! I can never find the diaper cream!" )) *wink* So after much deliberation, I opted for heavy duty thread, upholstery needles, and a wide piece of nylon strapping.

I probably looked pretty funny, struggling to push the upholstery needle through work-grade leather. I make more noise sewing leather than I do exercising. **haha**

But I managed to fix it! Yay me! :)

Growing experience

2011-02-08T08:40:00.002-05:00

These are the pieces to a sweater I'm making for a friend. This is ((without a doubt)) the hardest knitting project I've ever done. This project pales in comparison. You may not be able to tell from the photo, but each one of those Vs has "holes" (yarn over, knit 2 together, and slip slip knits) that change every row and alternate purl and knit each level to make them stand out. ((Which of course means nothing to you non-knitters)).

I'm really proud of myself! I feel like, after tackling this project, there's nothing I can't take on! ;)

The pieces will hopefully get put together tonight and then I can show you the final product.

I used this pattern. Which I found on Ravelry.com, my favorite knitting database.

Sunrise

2011-02-07T10:19:00.006-05:00

((Photo taken from my grandmother's front step, looking from southeast Vermont, over the Connecticut River - the dark line in the trees - and into southwest New Hampshire.))

And while I appreciate this photo, I don't appreciate that it means I was up for sunrise. Blame that on my kids, will you?

The farm is pretty awesome. It's been in our family (3rd and 4th generation owned/operated) for over 100 years. Pretty cool, right? This farm is pretty much my favorite place to be. It's idyllic: white houses (x5), red barns (x3), big red tractors, white fences, and hundreds of Holstein heifers.

It's beautiful, so long as you are used to the smell of a farm. Manure is actually an "I'm home" smell for me, but of course that's in the winter when it's minimal. Not during spring when the slurry gets spread, or in the height of July when it smells like you're swimming in it...

So, just in case you can't handle the ((aroma)) of farm, just enjoy this sunrise. :)

4 generations

2011-02-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

I thought you'd like to see the four generations! This is my Gramma, the girls' Grammy (Great-Gramma is such a mouthful!), my mom (Nana), and the three of us on our visit to Vermont.

Grammy is 84, lives on her own (across the street from my uncle and his family), and just in the last few weeks has stopped going to the barn to do chores every morning/afternoon. She's a tiny 5' tall, has terrible arthritis that has made knitting and sewing impossible for her (she can only crochet with a large hook now), and has a stubborn streak that no one wants to mess with.

She doesn't like anyone to help her, because she feels guilty that anyone would do "her" work. This includes washing up the breakfast dishes for my family. "Oh! Oh! Let's not leave her to do all those dishes!" ((Cereal bowls and coffee cups --- oh my, whatever shall I do!))

Lillie-Mae, Grammy, is a wonderful lady and I love and respect her so much! She's amazing!

Turkey Lurkey

2011-02-05T10:40:00.003-05:00

I'm not the only one who does this, right?

We were given a turkey right after Christmas, but since we'd just done Thanksgiving (x2) and had turkey for Christmas I wasn't really excited about doing another turkey right away.

I thought it was about time I got that turkey defrosting this week, and we had a nice (simple) turkey dinner on Tuesday night. That night I picked apart the turkey and put away 4-5 bags of turkey leftovers in the freezer for other meals.

All the bones (with the little bits of meat still on them), the skin, ((anything left)) went into the crockpot that night, filled with water and sat overnight on low.

Then on Wednesday I put the entire contents of the crockpot into a colander so that I could strain out the broth. There was enough ((delicious!!)) broth to make a big pot of turkey soup!

Then I picked all the little pieces of meat off the bones and out of the leftovers in the colander.

And then in a ((not so)) stroke of genius, I put the bones back in the crockpot and started them again, expecting another pot of delicious broth.

This is what's leftover ((inedible)) from the crockpot, minus the bones.

And there's the yummy broth ((crockpot #1)).

Crockpot #2 was a pure failure. It tasted gross. I guess I got all the goodness out the first time. I made soup in the crockpot w/ it and instead of a yummy soup, it almost turned my stomach every time I smelled it. It wasn't spoiled, but I think the broth started to taste more like bone, rather than turkey. Soo... oh well, we wasted a bit of turkey in that soup and a few veges. But I'm still getting about 7 meals out of that 17lb turkey! Which is pretty awesome, considering it was a **FREE** turkey. :)

Manners

2011-02-04T17:25:00.003-05:00

((Photo taken on our vacation, Daddy was having a couch-nap))

You'd think I didn't spend all day, every day reminding the little people in my house how to speak to each other, to Matt, and to me.

"Say 'Yes Mommy!' ". "Yes Mommy!"

"What do you say?" "Kankkyoo!"

And round and round we go.

This is a discussion heard tonight in my kitchen.

Oceana: ((Slams cup down on counter)) "Juice!"

Momma: "You talk to me like that again and you'll be in time out!"

Oceana: "Juice please!"

Momma: ((Blank stare))

Oceana: "Mommy, can I please have some juice?"

Momma: "Yep."

3 years of expecting a polite request and response for everything. And I get that? And it's not like I spelled it out for her, she knew *exactly* how to speak to me. Just chose not to.

Guess what? It's bedtime. Ok, well it's not. But it's time to head upstairs for jammies, toothbrushes, and books. Coz Momma's ready for bedtime to be here. And no, this is not posting at a different time than it was written. It really is 6:26pm. ;)

Miscarriage

2011-02-03T11:12:00.004-05:00

It's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. Had I still been pregnant, we might already know if we had a boy or a girl --- putting me right around the 21 week mark.

I'm very aware of the fact that I am not pregnant. I'm reminded of it every morning when I get dressed because I had grown out of my clothes, but not into my maternity clothes yet. So I was in that frustrating limbo period. And I'm still stuck there because I don't have any of that delightful post-partum water-weight shed going on.

I'm also aware of it, (let's be polite about this) because the system has resumed normal activities this week. Thanks a lot to my body, who thinks that 2 1/2 weeks off of bleeding was enough.

The other reason I'm aware of it....

This wasn't my first miscarriage. In fact, it wasn't even the first one for 2010. I lost a baby in August, a missed miscarriage (same MO, just earlier) at nearly 8 weeks. It may/may not have been a chemical pregnancy. So hard to tell when it's a measuring 5 weeks, should be 8 weeks thing.

And you know what? I'm ticked off. I have every right to be too. Don't give me any crap about a better place, or angels watching me, or maybe they were sick. Whatever. 3 of my 5 children are dead. That sucks. Pardon my candor, my pissy'ness, and my anger.

But if you'd lost 3 children in less than 3 years you'd be pissed off too. Maybe you have had that happen to you. I'm with you girl, I'm with you.

Yes, there's hope. Yes, it's going to be ok. But for right now, I'm pissed off. And I'm going to be like that until I'm not pissed off anymore.

How My Life Has Changed

2011-02-02T10:58:00.002-05:00

The other day I posted on my Facebook status:

Post something funny that has changed since you had kids:

Well, wouldn't you know --- the hilarity began!

So here's a selection of the comments that have left me in stitches!

I "lock" the pantry with elastic so that little fingers don't find the peanut butter jar and lick it dry. --- Susie S

I say things I never thought I would ever have to say. "Don't put your penis on the blocks"; "who drew on the dog"; "Why did you put duplos in the koolaid" .... --- Rose S

I sing kiddie songs ALL the time, even when there are no kids around! --- Kristin W

I sit on the toilet longer than I really need to in order to have a couple minutes alone :) --- Joy B

Everything! I used to have a wallet with money I could spend in it. --- Bob W (A dad comment! Love it!)

Quiet candle dinners...actually just quiet dinners in general!! Someone is always complaining about something on their plate!!! --- Cassidy B

LOL Joy! I do just the opposite! I go to the bathroom at record speed now, the girls at work made fun of me the other day, they couldn't believe I peed, zipped, and washed in under 2 mins. I told them wait til they have kids, there's no time for leisurely potty-ing! --- Amy M

For some reason I'm not outrageously grossed out when I'm covered in pee, poop, and baby vomit- perhaps all at the same time. I think it was to prepare me for the marvel that is toddler poop. wow. --- Carolyn T

‎@Carolyn, I find it amazing that at first the poo is so gross in color/texture but doesn't smell, then it smells a little, kinda gross color, texture etc, and then one day toddler poo shows up and makes you want to vomit your lunch. I had to take over a diaper change the other day because Matt was dry wretching from the stench. *eesh kiddo, what did we feed you!?!?!* --- Susie S

I think the funniest moments are when you catch yourself saying something that to anyone not seeing the situation would think you're totally bonkers. For example, "Why is there a fire truck in the toilet?!?" --- Debz S

Or the ones no one wants to know about, "OH! What? Why? No! We don't do that! Ew! Wash your hands! Right now! No, more soap! Gross!" :) *Today when Naomi dunked her hands in the dirty toilet that had been used by one of the 5yo girls in the next room. --- Susie S

having to stop mid shower every single day to explain that no I will not be getting out to prepare a snack, mediate a dispute or change the channel on the TV. I have never once done any of these things mid shower, but still they ask me. Persistance is a virtue right?! --- Tracee J

Oh, here's a good one: Today I was changing my underwear and my 2 year old said "Don't leave!" Is my life that bad, that I only change my underwear when I'm going somewhere? LOL --- Rose S

Ben, Get the sword out of your nose! --- Debz S

I was talking to myself in the grocery store since I didn't have the girls, but I was still using the cute kids talk while asking myself if I really wanted peanut butter. Yikes....I literally stopped and thought to myself that I'm going bonkers. --- Crystal J

OK, I remember a funny one when Dawn, my oldest (28 - I think:) was just an infant. I was standing at the cash register ready to pay my bill and Dawn was in a dead sleep in my arms. While the cashier had her head down, Dawn lifted her head briefly and let out this huge adult-size burp and put her head back down sound asleep. The cashier couldn't help but look up at me, and I swore to her that it was my baby and not me. I don't think she believed me! --- Elizabeth H

Complete comfort in discussing what used to be taboo conversation... poop, pee, vomit- really any bodily fluid and all details associated with :) --- Jennie G

The house is quiet. Why? You better find out PDQ! --- Joe W (Another Dad comment!)

What hasn't changed????? wondering what day you last took a shower, or shaved your legs...... and trying to find entertaining activities for baby while you take a shower at record speeds that a pit crew couldnt even keep up with. --- Sarah F

Never go to the bathroom alone. Eliana understands that our dog goes poop/pee outside. The other day she says,"momma outside pee pee?" LOL --- Hannah G

The once cherished quiet now strikes fear into your heart as you wonder, "where are they and what are they up to?" --- Debz S (with 6 thumbs up!)

I'm sure the guys at work appreciate my "Mommy words" like potty and asking them "What do you say?" .... one that I noticed is that people think I actually watch kids shows for the entertainment when in reality I'm watching to make sure there is no inappropriate content! lol

Too many things have changed for me to list it all here. I never thought I would be the designated butt wiper or immune to projectile vomiting or unphased when handed a booger or piece of poop. It certainly is an interesting journey! -- Elisha C

LOL Elisha - so true about being "designated butt wiper". When did *THAT* happen. Ugh. :) And yes, screening children's shows! I find myself singing Little Einstiens in my head. *make it stoooooop* --- Susie S

Shouting out"WOW ! Look at the BIG tractor!!!! " when you are driving along the road and then looking sheepishly at your hubbie cos no kids are in the car with you!!! and Susie now mines 7 I HAVE to pee alone cos he's interested!!! in the differences...... --- Glennis B

oooh, the other day was "take those coin's out of your mouth, you don't know where they've been" followed by "DONT drop them in the potty! ... Did you poop yet? ohhhhhh yes, you did" :-S And right now she's upstairs calling "are you doing wees papa?" Haha. --- Kristin W

‎@Glennis - true true! The girls got in lots of trouble today because they waltzed into the bathroom while daddy was showering. Its beyond them why they can't be in there. ;) --- Susie S

Love this. SO many things have changed that I can't really remember what life was like before. I will say that grocery shopping, now with children, feels a little like herding cats.... I think I'm going to ask my friends, too.... --- Emily C

My shoe size has changed.
I no longer freak at the sight of a child with a booger on their finger.
I can "catch" vomit or spit up with my hand without flinching.
I've read entire novels in 5 minute increments (aka: bathroom reading).
Sooo many other things! --- Liz R

Who knew that color crayons, pennies, kiwi seeds, Water melon seeds and corn all pass through a small child's body literally whole?!?!?! Or sand small rocks and bark from our tree also come through fairly unscathed from the digestive process!!!!!

And who else besides a parent would be laughing out loud at these revelations!?!?! --- Jennifer B

‎@ Liz ... My feet changed too! I had to give a way almost my entire collection of ADORABLE shoes because they don't fit anymore ... Picture the step-sisters trying to put on the glass slipper. That was me after babies. :-( @Jennifer Bray HAHAHAHA! I find myself inspecting poop in the toilet or diaper if it smells different or I suspect yesterdays meal didn't sit well LOL! --- Joy B

I used to be a morning person. Now I'm not a morning nor night person...just let me go to bed early and sleep in late :) --- Catherine H

I can't eat lollies any more by myself! No matter how hard I try to hide them I get caught out! and it's "Ohhhhh Can I have one too?" Selfishness in me makes me want to go NO! They're all MINE! Nah nah nah nah nahhh!!! But I can't........LOL....AND I've tried sneaking them...it just doesn't work!!!! --- Glennis B

Be sure to leave your comments! I'm sure the comments will be even better than the post!

Ch-ch-changes

2011-01-24T16:47:00.000-05:00

Giveaway winner!

2011-01-24T16:43:00.003-05:00

Congratulations Pam S --- the only Facebook entry (the blog posts over to Facebook automatically)! Pam, I'll get that book to you as soon as I'm back from vacation.

In other news: Yep, I'm on vacation.

And not balmy, sunny vacation.

No.

More like, with windchill this morning it was -41F (-41.8C). Um yah. There are no words for that kind of cold. We (Matt and I) have the chance to get away for a few days. There's not much to do in this area of New England that doesn't include skiing or snowboarding. But the quiet and relaxation is priceless. :) Catch you when we're back!

Attempting a group shot with the timer

2011-01-22T14:15:00.002-05:00

Well, they're fun. But I don't think they qualify as good or useful or flattering.

Havie's Christmas present

2011-01-20T14:11:00.001-05:00

My sister asked me if I could make this dress. It would be her Christmas present, and she planned to wear it to a January '11 wedding.

I took on the project and the result is below. She changed the sleeve, but it's actually a transition sleeve, she will attach it with snaps in a couple different spots so she has a changing dress. Pretty neat, huh?

Joshua's birthday cupcakes

2011-01-18T14:05:00.000-05:00

Joshua's 3rd birthday

2011-01-16T14:02:00.000-05:00

Naomi found the last cupcake

2011-01-14T14:00:00.001-05:00

A book review and a giveaway!

2011-01-14T08:25:00.006-05:00

A giveaway! I think this is only my 2nd giveaway ever. The first being, the Bouncing Blossom tutu that went to Chrissy, Eva Janette's Momma.

So a bit of background first. Our pastor in New Zealand, Mike de Vetter, wrote a book. It was a pretty neat story of how it all came to be. As far as I understand. Mike and his wife Amy had been trying to conceive for 5 years when they were blessed with their first child Rosie Grace (just 6 weeks before Naomi arrived). Mike came home from the hospital, sat down, and wrote this book.

Now to the book: The Rose Princess and the Gift

The Rose Princess, who lives in a land "not far from here", is given three special gifts by her father, the King. As she goes through her day, she comes across people who need the gifts she received, more than she does. So she gives them away. In the end, she and her father, the King, talk about how wonderful it is that she was generous with her gifts. And she curtsies a lot. :) And give her Daddy hugs. It's a sweet story, with a good moral. And it's not one of those morals that you have to dig for - it's right there in your face.

My favorite aspect to the book? It's a Princess story that has nothing to do with Prince Charming and happily ever after. Instead, it's a Princess story with character (the virtue kind, not the cartoon kind).

Love it!

Oceana wants to read it before bedtime every night right now. So we do. :)

I have a brand new, hardback copy of The Rose Princess and the Gift to give away to one of you! I have not been compensated for this giveaway, it is my purchase and gift to you.

Leave a comment! Tell me, what do you read to your kids at bedtime? Using Random.com I'll choose a winner next Friday. The giveaway is open until then. Please remember to leave an email address if you blogger account does not link directly to your email (if you aren't sure, leave an email address).

And in case you want to purchase your own copy:

Barnes & Noble has them for $9.35, plus shipping.

Amazon.com has it for $11.04, plus shipping (or free if you have Amazon Prime).

A Dr's Thingy

2011-01-13T14:07:00.002-05:00

Can you make a Dr's thingy?

With the ears?

And the thingy for-to-hear your heart?

A stethescope?

Yah, yah, a thethathcope.

A headband, with fleece taped to the ear-pieces (because they 'hurt-ed' her ears), a ribbon, and a Tinkerbell eraser.

A Dr's thingy!

Eating snow

2011-01-12T21:54:00.003-05:00

I didn't teach her how to eat snow. Or that she could eat snow.

She figured that out all on her own.

2011-01-07T07:07:00.005-05:00

Happy 3rd Birthday Joshua Matthew

My precious boy, oh how I miss you.

Do you know that I think about you every day?

Do you know that you are included in every bedtime prayer?

"Thank you Father for Oceana, Joshua, and Naomi. Please be with the girls tonight as they sleep..."

I've said it that way since it was only you and your big sister.

You're still here with us, in our everyday life.

Your picture sits in the bathroom, right beside the toothbrushes.

Your pacifier sits in the bathroom cupboard.

And another picture sits on my bedroom windowsill, right next to your bear [urn].

We talk about you, we think about, and we love you.

Oceana knows that you are with Jesus.

But she tells me almost every day ... "I miss Joshua!" and usually sniffles and cries a few times a week about you not being here.

She thinks you are in the clouds. It's hard for her to understand that's not where Heaven is.

But she knows Heaven, angels, and Jesus are all in the same place with Joshua and the baby from Mommy's tummy.

Time has made missing you easier and harder.

As time goes on, the pain becomes less acute.

But as time goes on, I see how much I'm missing.

With each glance at a nearly-3-year-old, I realize I'm missing out on so much more.

I'm missing skinned knees, potty training, grubby fingers, and muddy shoes.

I'm missing a little boy who's hopelessly devoted to his Momma - until Daddy walks in the door.

I'm missing watching a little boy learn how to hold a hammer.

I'm missing boys toys. There's a lot of pink around here.

I'm missing a train themed birthday party. Or spiders. Or football.

You'll have some cupcakes today, but I don't have any special decorations.

I'll do my best to make them look like "manly cupcakes", though I'm not sure what that means.

Last night we went to the store to buy ingredients for your birthday cupcakes.

Oceana chose carrot cake. I made sure we bought silver cupcake liners, no pink liners for your birthday party.

And we bought you blue candles. :)

It snowed today. It's the first snow that has covered the grass since we've arrived back in the USA.

Your sisters will get to play in the snow, for the first time ever, on your 3rd birthday.

I think that's a pretty good birthday party, Joshua.

I wish you were here too.

Joshua, I wish with all my heart that the outcome had been different.

That you had survived.

That you hadn't had such a severe problem.

But you did. And that's okay. I miss you.

I wish you were here so I could try to grab you as you ran past me this morning.

I wish I could snag you by the arm, hoist you into my lap and say,

"Happy Birthday Joshua! Do you know you're 3 today? We're going to make cupcakes this morning! Just for you!"

I wish your sisters were excited about giving you birthday presents.

They are excited to send you your birthday balloon.

It's floating on the kitchen ceiling right now, waiting to come to you on your birthday.

Daddy's working all day today and Saturday, so watch for your balloon on Sunday, okay?

Gramma and PopPop wanted to send you the balloon too, so they'll be there.

Nana and Baboo sent you a balloon yesterday, from the spot we sent you balloons on your 1st and 2nd birthdays.

Joshua, on your birthday, I love you.

I miss you.

And I grieve, with hope.

"We have this hope as an anchor

'Cause we believe that everything

God promised us is true."

Thank you to all of you who have read Joshua's story. Thank you for loving him with us. And thank you for telling me that you love him, because it means the world to me, to know that I am not the only one marked by my little boy. That my life was not the only one changed by such a small, special boy. You have my heart my blog-family. You have no idea.

Me and my scrub brush

2011-01-06T13:42:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, there's nothing you can do except get down on the floor with the lemon cleaner, a bucket of hot water, your rubber gloves, and your scrub brush.

Joshua's 3rd birthday is upon me.

Oceana and Susie

2011-01-04T15:30:00.003-05:00

A lot of people tell me Oceana looks like me. Well, a friend blogged today about how we've been friends for 20 years, and had pictures from that era to prove it. Check it out! In the first photo I'm wearing a pink dress (in the middle of the 2nd row) and in the 2nd I'm on the far right leaning onto the table. I'm pretty sure Oceana and I look alike. :)

Living on

2010-12-30T09:51:00.004-05:00

It occurred to me yesterday that it's a week until Joshua's 3rd birthday. And three years on, I'm still getting emails from new encephalocele Mommies. On that note, please keep Cooper in your prayers. I'm blessed that I still receive emails like Halee's. It's emails like hers, and Marie's (Elijah Douglas' momma) that I wrote this blog in the first place. I wanted their google searches to over-turn a positive outcome story.

When I first began to research encephaloceles, I couldn't find stories. I wanted to know what other people had done, how they felt, and what their child was like. But I found next to nothing. I wanted people to read our story. I wanted people to know that even in the midst of tragedy, there was hope and that good could come from it.

I was laying in bed last night, thinking of Joshua. I remembered his little face. I remembered how his little eyes seemed to see - but they seemed to look straight through me. I remembered resting my lips on the top of his head. I could hold him like that for hours. I still have an odd obsession with resting my lips on babies heads. I think it's because I spent so long with Joshua like that. When I think about my favorite times with Joshua, that tops the list.

I would sit on our brown couch, look out the large patio door, and hold him up close to my heart. His 'cele rested on my right arm, his head in my right hand. His spindly little arms and legs somewhere in my lap.

Was there ever a skinnier boy?

I went to look back at blog photos, to see if I had any of me holding him that way. I guess I did it even more than I thought I did. It was definitely my favorite thing to do.

One loss, brings up another. My lost babies are always "there".

There are no words

2010-12-27T09:17:00.004-05:00

We lost our baby on Christmas Eve.

I had a scare about 10 days ago. I went in to the ER, where they told me Quattro had stopped growing 8 weeks previous and had no heartbeat. A follow up ultrasound a few days later confirmed what we feared, and I came home to wait out the missed miscarriage.

On Christmas Eve, it all ended, thus the damper on our holiday.

Not much else to say.

Christmas Eve

2010-12-26T00:21:00.003-05:00

My Christmas Eve was not what it should have been. There was situation that could not be avoided, and it put a heavy damper on our festivities.

But this is the memory I'm going to try hold on to instead.

Merry Christmas

Satin headband tutorial

2010-12-24T08:46:00.002-05:00

Thought someone out there might appreciate this craft tutorial.

Satin headband cover tutorial:

1 yard satin ribbon

Matches or lighter

Needle and thread

Thin, plastic headband - I used Goody Girls headbands

And have a good laugh over my girls interrupting me for food, drinks, and passing gas in the background - thus my "Excuse you!" part way through. ;)

Christmas in a Winter Wonderland

2010-12-21T07:17:00.003-05:00

To be completely fair, I don't think our area of Pennsylvania Dutch Country really qualifies as a Winter Wonderland. It's more like, cold, with a chance of frigid wind. I can deal with the cold, until that wind kicks in. Then I remember that relining the inside of my wool coat is on my list of things to do! Christmas presents come first, as well as sewing/knitting jobs, so the coat can wait and I'll just wear a 2nd sweater. (Oh, no, I kid not. A 2nd sweater, with a fleece jacket over it - inside the house). We're cheap. So 64 degrees (F) is where the thermostat stays. :) It just means socks and sweaters in the house. Most days for me that means 2 extra layers because I'm apparently the coldest warm-blooded animal that ever walked the earth!

This was my only attempt at a Christmas photo. They weren't exactly cooperating. Note: The leg sticking up in the air. This was the *best* photo. Oh well. I'll try again on Christmas Eve and Christmas.

I've been telling Matt we were going to get a small tree. Just a little $20 tree. Nothing big. Our living room is quite small, and the only place to put it is between the TV and the basement door, so small is necessary. Small. Well, don't you like our small tree? I like my friend's husband response on this one, "What's important is that it cost like a small one :) How can he blame you for getting the most for his buck!? :)" I like that! Perfect! I'll go with that explanation!

Truth be told, this tree was 50% off. And since the girls and I were freezing by the moment out in the cold, we "settled" on this tree. Oceana had a little handout about how to care for a tree in her hand. It had one of those "tree perfection" trees on it and she was convinced she had to find that tree. After about 10 minutes she was happy to pick the $20 one with a few funny imperfection. We just wanted to get inside to pay for our tree!

I was optimistic thinking that a small tree would fit into the trunk of our little Jetta. Notsomuch. Matt had to run to his Dad's work to borrow the SUV so we could actually get it home. (Thus why Oceana and I picked the tree, Matt was driving across town to get a tree-mover).

Hope you're all ready for Christmas! I am not. I have a *ton* of stuff to sew, and a lot more to clean. *Eesh*.

Uh oh

2010-12-19T20:52:00.002-05:00

Fabric for the girls' Christmas (Day) dresses. Their auntie bought them Christmas Eve dresses (we have a candlelight Christmas service at our church).

I'm wondering how far I'm going to have to dig for the zippers I *know* I bought on Black Friday. I was "zipper ready" on Naomi's Christmas dress when I discovered that I could not discover the zippers. Noooooooooo! So is the zipper for my sister's dress (which is a Christmas dress, but she knows about it, since she asked for it). Hmph. *Pout*

Back to searching.

Tea Partying

2010-12-17T08:28:00.000-05:00